Friday, January 16, 2009

A Couple of Producers List Design-y House in L.A.

SELLERS: Gabrielle Stanton and Harry Werksman
LOCATION: Hillside Ave, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,880,000
SIZE: 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...Includes: large LR, DR & entry hall, kitchen, den/media room & master BR w/ dressing room & custom bath (including Bisazza soaking tub, custom-made dual faucet Corian sink, Porcher toilets & Phillipe Starck fixtures). Lower level guest BR & enormous bonus room perfect for home office/creative space. Covered patio & rear yard. Large garage w/ direct access, 3 fireplaces & new systems throughout.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen children, although all sorts of unconfirmed whispers and rumors are floating down the gossip grapevine about famous folks fixin' to move house, today is a bit slow on the celebrity real estate scene so today we're gonna discuss a couple of Emmy nominated tee-vee writer/producers named Harry Werksman and Gabrielle Stanton who recently put their Regency style residence in the foothills above Hollywood Boulevard on the market with an asking price of $1,880,000.

We know most of you haven't a clue who these people are, but iffin y'all will simmer down and quitcher bitching Your Mama will tell you. Mister Werksman and Miz Stanton, partners in both work and life, have extensive credits on award winning programs such as that tired Grey's Anatomy program, Ugly Betty and, most recently, a short lived vampire detective drama called Moonlight which Your Mama has neither seen nor heard of.

Back in August of 2002, about the time the boob-toob power pair's tee-vee project The Invisible Man was wrapping up, property records show they forked over $700,000 to purchase their house on Hillside Avenue. We're sure some of the snootier Angelenos will bristle and gripe about the too close to Hollywood not close enough to Bev Hills location, but Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter rather like a property near rugged Runyan Canyon where we like to walk our exercise bodied bitches Linda and Beverly side by side with all the heaps and hordes of show bizzers who walk their pooches and work their glutes on the canyon trails.

According to information we received from a gal we'll call Jean Pool, the Werksman/Stanton house was a dump when it was purchased and clearly Miz Stanton and Mister Werksman–with, according to listing information, the assistance of the folks at the Fitzsu Society–spent boo-coo bucks giving the place a full face lift and do over in a Dorothy Draper-ish Hollywood Regency style that has been re-jiggered (and some say copied) by hot shot decorator Kelly Wearstler.

Listing information and prop records reveal the house measures 3,283 square feet with three bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. In addition to the entry way with its high ceiling, shiny lime stone looking floor, vintage 1970s chandelier and luscious Lucite side table, a large formal living room with beige shag wall to wall carpeting has been a little too minimally furnished by the Fitzsu folks with two clean lined beige ultra-suede sofas facing each other with a couple of squat coffee tables from Ikea in between and a stainless steel and glass étagère for displaying knick-knacks and doo-dads has been situated to the side one of the homes three fireplaces.

The dining room, also done up in a minimal manner, features a wall of (not quite centered) glass sliders, pretty tree top views and all kinds of translucent furnishings includes a Lucite legged dining table and a couple of Phillipe Starck Louis Ghost Chairs which are only visible to children with 20/20 vision. The barely there day-core is completed by an atom-inspired chandelier that has been hung too high and is coveted by Your Mama, and a graphic black and white Japanese anime-like Panda painting which creates a well played visual tension with the Lucite legged dining room chair that have been upholstered with mis-matched and wildly colored Pucci-like fabric.

A small room that looks like a minimalists take on a library has been simply outfitted with a few free standing and well stocked book shelves, an orange ombré area rug and a classic, always appreciated by Your Mama Mies van der Rohe Barcelona chair and ottoman. With its louche sectional sofas and built in wood book shelves, the den/media room offers a cozy spot to tuck in for the evening with a stack of all the latest gossip glossies and a giant gin and tonic or to view the fabulously tacky and childish antics of The Real Housewives of Orange County, one of Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's favorite reality tee-vee guilty pleasures.

The uber femme master bedroom has been worked over–and, quite frankly, a little over-worked–with wall to wall lavendar shag carpeting and a large print floral wallpaper behind the bed that probably looked au courant when it was installed but now looks a little dated design wise. Nothing a nice gay decorator can't fix in the twinkle of an eye. All the clothes horses will appreciate the full wall of floor to ceiling closets with frosed glass sliding doors which give the clothes a ghostlike appearance that would surely scare the skin off Your Mama in a half-asleep booze haze in the middle of the night. The frosted glass closet door treatment has also been applied to the large boo-teek like dressing room with its large lavender shag area rug, crystal chandelier, and yellow tufted stools that look too damn short for a fat ass like Your Mama to sit on comfortably.

We recognize the highly stylized master bathroom will not be to everyone's taste and it's absolutely not one that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would want in our home, however, we gives the couple credit for boldly and fearlessly going right over the interior design top with the funky juxtaposition of a hyper-modern glass box of a shower, dusty pink vanity table with ornate gold pulls, and glittery nickel and crystal sconces flanking the make-up mirror. The yellow tufted stool and blue and lavendar glass decanters are just icing on a shamelessly decadant decorative cake an an intricately patterned gold and white wallpaper surrounding the Bisazza tile soaking tub jumps up the glamour quotient to am über-luxe but almost unbearable level. With all that square footage devoted to the master bathroom, we'd have preferred the posh Porcher brand pooper be placed in a more private spot.

According to listing information, the lower level includes a guest bedroom and bathroom, a location which pretty much ensures the homeowner will not have to listen to their guests fight, fornicate and/or defacate. A large bonus room on the lower level can be used for a home office/creative space or perhaps a dungeon for the S/M inclined.

The outdoor space appears to be limited to a deck at the rear of the house and a sliver of land that aspires to, but pretty much fails, at being a backyard.

Although we don't know why Miz Stanton and Mister Werksman would want to sell after spending much time and money birthing their re-done residential baby, but if we've said it once, we've said it four hundred thousand times, the fickle real estate workings of the rich (and famous) are well beyond our comprehension.

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