Monday, January 26, 2009

Coupla Quick Items To Start the Week Off Right

Listen babies, Your Mama has a list of properties to discuss this week but before we get rolling on that we're going to cut in to our scheduled programming in order to get a couple of joo-see celebrity real estate tidbits off our desk...

Hold on to your britches children because Oscar nominated power pair Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are back in the celebrity real estate gossip columns. Just last week the world learned that the unmarried parents of 40 or 50 multicultural children, who have spent the last year or so traipsing around Europe like a band of very rich gypsies, are getting ready to wing their way back to the U-nited States of America and settle down in a water front monster mansion on the Gold Coast of Long Island in quietly swank Lloyd Neck, NY.

Naturally, these dedicated nomads won't be staying in Lloyd Neck long enough to enroll their 72 children in the local schools. They'll reportedly only be in residence long enough for Miss Jolie to film her next cinematic endeavor, Edwin A. Salt, a film which Your Mama will not likely pay thirteen bucks to see in a movie theater.

When the couple's coterie of personal assistants pack up their well traveled Louis Vuitton cases and load up their multi-culti clan into the family bus and pull out of Lloyd Neck, they reportedly won't be headed back to the shores of Malee-boo where Mister Pitt has owned a spectacular oceanfront estate since about the time he traded in his former wifey Jennifer Aniston to live in sin, make babies with and adopt a small army of foreign children with notorious man (and woman) eater Angelina Jolie.

According to a gal named Courtney Nazlett, who pens The Scoop column for folks at MSNBC, Mister Pitt is planning on putting the modern cliff hanger of a house on the market.

Can the children hear the gasps of shock and awe heard around the world? Your Mama sho can.

Bookies are taking bets on which of the family's many properties they'll settle in next, but word on the celebrity real estate street is that the Jolie-Pitt clan are heading back to Chateau Miraval, the secluded estate in the French countryside where they shacked up after Miss Jolie pushed out those cute twins last year.

Pop star Mariah Carey and her man mate Nick Cannon are rumored and reported to be peeping around at high priced properties in some of the better (and not so better) zip codes of Los Angeles including a 7,000+ square foot house in Studio City that happens to be just around the corner from Alex Trebek's historic spread and walking distance to George Clooney's super private pad.

Although we know there are many swank and expensive areas in the San Fernando Valley where all kinds of rich and famous folks bed down, Your Mama would not have imagined Mariah shacking up in The Valley. If we we're Miss Mariah's real estate agent, and of course we are not, I'd haul her skin tight jean wearing boo-tay immediately over to Jennifer's Lopez's $8,500,000 crib in Bel Air because not only is it celebrity worthy, she could probably save a few pennies on installing security systems because you know that place is already locked down like Fort damn Knox.

Although Your Mama is not a big fan of the whistle stop wonder's ear piercing warbling and we certainly don't care for her trademark belly baring outfits only a streetwalker could love, the high end real estate market in Los Angeles could really use an exuberantly rich gal like Miss Moneybags Mariah running around in a chauffeured Yukon flinging money around like there was no damn recession affecting all the less financially fortunate.

Miss Mariah's current real estate holdings include a giant triplex apartment in the TriBeCa area of New York City which was done up and decorated by Prince of Chintz Mario Buatta and where she reportedly keeps Marilyn Monroe's old piano and has a Hello Kitty themed bathroom, a decorative situation which Your Mama knows deep in our soul is a very, very bad idea. Miss Mariah recently added to her property portfolio when she purchased a compound down on a slim sliver of land in the Bahamas called Windermere Island. In the past, the scale sliding songstress has spent vast amounts of moolah leasing posh properties in Aspen and The Hamptons, but as of today Your Mama is not aware of Miss Moneybags Mariah fishing out her diamond encrusted checkbook to purchase any properties in those locations.

3. Oh dear. Here we go again. Beat up and beleagured Los Angeles real estate agent Josh Flagg, whom the children will recall is the unkempt boozy looking dude from the most recent season of Million Dollar Listing, is back in the news.

Last year, Mister Flagg was arrested for allegedly stealing pricey paintings out of a posh property or two in which he represented the sellers. After heaps and hordes of bad press, the L.A. District Attorney dropped the charges leaving Mister Flagg free to return to pushing properties in the Platinum Triangle with his held held high.

His relief over the dropped charges was short lived, however, because according to a new report on gossip juggernaut TMZwho seems to be gunning halaciously hard for the guy—Mister Flagg is being sued by the estate of a dead ladee named Marcia Israel for the alleged "wrongful taking of personal property." Oh my.

The estate of Miz Israel is alleging the young Mister Flagg obtained several high value paintings and Jade sculptures that mysteriously disappeared from Miz Israel's Sunset Boulevard mansion after her death and during a period of time Miz Israel's huzband was staying on the property. Miz Israel, a noted L.A. philanthropist who went to meet the big garmento in the sky back in the summer of 2004, was the founder of a successful chain of west coast retail stores Your Mama has never heard of called Judy's.

According to TMZ, a ballsy and unnamed private investigator claims to have taken a few snaps of the missing artworks through the window of Mister Flagg's Beverly Hills home. That's right children, through the damn window!

Mister Flagg's attorneys have reportedly answered back by saying that the estate of Miz Israel has no case against Mister Flagg because the statute of limitations has run out. Huh? Your Mama ain't no kind of lawyer and we are certainly in no position to act as a judge, but that sounds sort of, uhm, odd, don't it?

Now children, we are not defending Mister Flagg because we find him to have a less that lovely and sorta smarmy disposition (at least he did on the tee-vee), but before anyone jumps to conclusions or convicts Mister Flagg in the court of their own mind, let's remember that previous charges against him for similar allegations were dropped. Sometimes where there is smoke there is fire, and sometimes there is just smoke.

Interestingly, Your Mama was contacted last week by a person we'll call Peeping Tom who claimed to have "a hot one" on Mister Flagg but never revealed the details or even the nature of his gossip.

Now that she's finally managed to sell off her house in Malee-boo's Serra Retreat, Your Mama gets an unusually high number of requests regarding the real estate whereabouts of Aussie icon Olivia Newton John. Your Mama freely confesses that although we agree she looked marvelous in shiny leotard back in the 1980s, we are not nearly as interested in Miss Newton John's current location as many of the children seem to be. However, we do like to keep the children pacified, so....

Thanks to several convert communiques by several interested parties including one this morning from a gal we'll call Mary K. Mart, it's our understanding that Miz Newton John recently decamped to the Jupiter, FL area where she's shacking up with her herb pusher huzband John Easterling who owns a 3 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom house in the gated community surrounding the Turtle Creek (golf) Club which, as it turns out, is currently listed for sale at $850,000.

That's all we know folks. And for the record, we do not know–so don't bother to ask–if Missus Easterling is living in the above mentioned house or some other place.

Now then, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

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