Tuesday, January 13, 2009

David LaChapelle's Picture Perfect Pad

SELLER: David LaChapelle
LOCATION: Marmont Lane, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,550,000
SIZE: 1912 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...This 1924 Spanish is the epitome of the Hollywood Hills lifestyle. With original character intact, this 2-story bungalow features a first floor open floor plan w/ spectacular city vus, dark wd flrs & newly remodeled kit. open & airy liv & din rms open to covered terrace, pvt pool/spa surrounded by luch foliage. Spacious master w/ city light vus & terrace overlooking this private oasis.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday afternoon, as we were sipping our first gin and tonic through a curly straw and perusing the LaLa Land listings, we came across a purdy little Spanish style house in the Hollywood Hills that rang all the bells of our celebrity real estate radar.

A peep into the property records and a quick consult with our wonderfully well informed aide de camp Lucy Spillerguts proved Your Mama's intuition correct because, as it turns out, the house is owned by insanely successful and wildly famous photographer David LaChapelle. The property, located on Marmont Lane just short walk from the legendary Chateau Marmont Hotel and down the road a piece from Cameron Diaz's crib, carries a current asking price of $1,550,000.

Some of the children will know Mister LaChapelle for his digitally enhanced, button pushing and sensationally surreal celebrity portraits for glossy and glammy publications like Vanity Fair, Vogue, Rolling Stone and Interview, where he was given his first professional photo assignment by La Warhol hisself. Some of the children will also recognize Mister LaChapelle's name as the maker of fab-boo films Rize, Krumped and Clowns in the Hood, and still others will know Mister LaChapelle for his ongoing photographic relationships with his muses, the dee-lishusly campy Pamela Anderson and the leviathan lipped and mammoth mammaried tranny superstar Amanda Lepore.

Prop records reveal that taboo topic luvin' Mister LaChapelle picked up his 1,912 square foot Spanish style lovely in October of 1999 for an even $800,000. Listing information reveals the 2 story (plus a lower floor for the 2 car garage) was built in 1924 and includes three bedrooms and 2 vintage bathrooms with wonderfully restored tile work.

After heaving and hoisting our big ol' booty up the front steps and then catching our breath with the assistance of a paper sack, we find the front door opens di-rectly into in the living room. We really do prefer that a home have at least a small entrance hall so that the delivery drivers can not case the joint while dropping off pizza, Chinese food or the half case of gin we have delivered each Thursday at 4pm. None the less, we find ourselves swooning with dee-light over the living room with its barrel vaulted ceiling, wood burning fireplace with simple surround, beautifully stained wood floors (no stilettos tramping around in here pleeze) and a view towards the Chateau Marmont. Mister LaChapelle and his nice gay decorator have very practically utilized a small adjacent room as a den where a flat screen boob-toob has been mounted above a credenza for which we'd at least consider selling Sister Woman's loud children into indentured servitude.

Although Mister LaChapelle's taste in furniture and accessories is not that of Your Mama or the Dr. Cooter, we do love a crisp white wall and we find ourselves drawn to the relative sparsity and texture balance of the day-core. Plus, we know that our mean ol' pussycat Sugar would love nuthin' more than to spread her queen sized kitty body on that fuzzy fur thing flung over the wood bench in front of the fireplace. And, you know, it's really best to keep Sugar happy because iffin she gets in a mood she'll shred Your Mama's Florence Knoll designed two seater with the original fabric faster than it takes us to get to the post office and back.

Anyhoo, the square-ish shaped dining room is perfect for a large round table–and we love us a round dining room table–not to mention that second round pedestal table with the seriously sexy turned base on which Mister LaChapelle's over-sized picture book–which we think is a copy of the extremely expensive limited edition LaChapelle, Artists & Prostitutes–is on display.

According to listing information, the galley style kitchen was recently renovated. Although we covet the stacked stainless steel LG brand washer and dryer set and we love a ladee-Bosch washer of dishes and we adore the original wood-paned windows that swing open to let the breeze blow in and we totally get that the black and white color scheme is appropriate for the architectural era of the home, we are definitely not feeling the country-house cabinetry with raised panels that looks, well, all due respect Mister LaChapelle because we do think you are it, but that cabinetry looks cheap to Your Mama. We'd bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly it waddn't cheap, but, we'd prefer to see something a little more sleek and sexy, perhaps even something with a high-gloss finish like this. Just a thought.

The master bedroom appears to have been created by combining two smaller bedrooms and includes a large sitting area with French doors opening to a private terrace overlooking the back yard. The children will note the shiny and spectacular wood floors as well as another drool worthy credenza where we imagine Mister LaChapelle keeps his high priced underthings and porn. The adjacent bathroom is all done up in vintage mint colored subway tiles with black accents and we applaud the famous photog for retaining this bit of original charm because it looks magnificent.

Tucked into a corner created by the dining room and kitchen is a small covered brick terrace outfitted with wicker furniture (wicker!?) where we can picture Mister LaChapelle sipping sodas and nibbling peanuts with the magnificently over-worked Miss Lepore who looks to Your Mama like she hasn't eaten a damn thing since sometime before 1986. The petit back yard is wild with foliage that surrounds the small brick patio and plunge sized swimming pool over which Mister LaChapelle has whimsically strung lights giving the rear yard just a hint of a carnival vibe, which is, of course, perfectly apropo for Mister LaChapelle and his fantastic coterie of freaks and famous folks.

Listing information shows that the property is in escrow. We'd offer Mister LaChapelle our sincere congratulations for selling his gem of a residence in such a soft market, but a little bit of additional research reveals that Mister LaChapelle first listed this house back in the summer of 2008 with an asking price of $2,495,000. A few flicks of the well worn beads on our bejeweled abacus reveals that Mister LaChapelle slashed a whopping $945,000 off the asking price before a warm buyer came along. Yikes.

We don't know what Mister LaChapelle's real estate future holds but we do know that back in January of 2007 Your Mama discussed his easy on the eyes East Village apartment which was listed for sale at $1,995,000 and records show he also owns the Los Angeles building where his photographic studio and office is located on N. Orange Drive.

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