Thursday, January 15, 2009

Nick Turturro Lists House in Tarzana

SELLER: Nick Turturro
LOCATION: Beckford Avenue, Tarzana, CA
PRICE: $1,250,000
SIZE: 4,007 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...This warm and inviting residence has been beautifully updated, featuring gleaming hardwood floors, spacious living room with romantic fireplace, over sized family room and chef's kitchen with side/side SubZeros, massive center island, loads of storage and sunny attached breakfast room. The oversize family room features stunning French doors that lead you to the spectacular park-like grounds with sports court, sprawling manicured lawns and entertainers patio highlighted by wood ceilings, stone pillars and Saltillo tiled floors...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A couple of weeks ago we heard from our ever intrepid and prolific tipster Chris Coe who pointed Your Mama's beady little celebrity real estate eyeballs towards a well maintained but very non-descript house in hot as Hades Tarzana, CA that is owned by actor Nick Turturro and listed for sale with an asking price of $1,250,000.

Mister Turturro is, of course, part of the famous acting Turturro clan that includes kooky and quirky brother John Turturro (O Brother, Where Art Thou?, The Big Lebowski, Barton Fink and etc.) and cuzzin Aida Turturro who for years worked her stuff on The Sopranos. In addition to being a dedicated stage actor, Nick Turturro is probaby best recognized by the children for his long time role on the now defunct NYPD Blue back in the 1990s but may soon have a higher profile due to the six projects his resume shows he has in the hopper for 2009.

Property records show Mister Turturro purchased his Tarzana digs in December of 2002 for $775,000. Listing information shows brick red residence on Beckford Avenue measures 4,007 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms plus a separate guest studio with three-quarter bathroom. Property records, however, show the big but perfectly banal suburban house sits on a .56 acre lot and has 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. We don't have any idea why the discrepancy in bedroom and bathroom counts.

The large living room includes glossy wood floors, a gas and wood burning fireplace and a smattering of furniture that looks to Your Mama like it was picked up at the local Goodwill. Although the rug is far too small for the room and placed in an entirely haphazard fashion, the deep red color looks good against the dusty celadon walls and, even more importantly, we think it would look dee-voon in Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's guest room.

The celadon wall paint continues into the room that does triple duty as the dining room, stair hall and library. While in theory we are not opposed to multi-purpose rooms this one makes us feel uncomfortable. Do not even get Your Mama started on that ass uglee chandelier which has been hung way, way too high or those wacky wind chimes hung next to the book case. Wind chimes? Indoors?

While decent sized with what appears to be both gas and electric cook tops, can't the children hear the kitchen quietly begging for a face lift? The adjacent breakfast area may be a good spot for keeping an eye on the kiddies as they chow down a microwaved dinner of fish sticks and mac and cheese, but we can't help but note the rug beneath the table is simply too small.

Apparently Mister Turturro got a good deal on that dusty celadon paint because the family room has also, unwisely, been painted that color. Again we see just a smattering of furniture, in this case caca-colored leather things with no end or coffee tables for setting down drinks and snacks, and yet another rug that is simply too small for the room. Some sort of light fixture hangs in the middle of the ceiling and looks poised to brain anyone who dares walk under it. We'll allow that the row of French doors is nice.

The master bedroom includes a peaked ceiling and French doors opening to a private terrace. While this is not a bad space, we're just flummoxed and flabbergasted to see another rug that is too damn small for the room. We realize that Mister Turturro many not care very much about day-core, but we'd still recommend he get in touch with a nice gay decorator who can school him on how to fit rugs into rooms and at what height to hang chandeliers. These things may seem trivial, but they can really affect the way a room feels, and the way a room feels in turn affects the way people feel in it. You know what we're sayin'?

The outdoors spaces include a large covered patio with a wood ceiling and Saltillo tile floor. While Your Mama is definitely not down with the Home Despot-ish patio furniture selections, we do think a deft hand could do up this space as a fantastic outdoor living and dining room that stays cool remarkably cool during the blistering San Fernando Valley summer months. In addition to a large lawn area, a sport court has been installed behind the detached two car garage. Your Mama does not have any problem with sport courts other than that we'd much prefer a swimming pool than a basketball court...but that's us. We recognize others might feel differently.

Of course we have no idea where Mister Turturro plans to move once this house sells, but we do hope he'll ring Your Mama for a long list of nice gay decorators who can pull his next home together in a manner more befitting a man of his stature.

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