Friday, December 21, 2007

John Goodman, From Rehab to Home

BUYER: John Goodman
LOCATION: Via de la Paz, Pacific Palisades, CA
PRICE: $4,699,000 (list)
SIZE: 5,250 square feet (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: East Hamptons style, artfully designed 3-story new constructions, 5,000+ sf, 5 bd/5.5 ba, great room w/ soaring 16 foot ceiling, chef's kitchen w/ Viking appls. LR w/ coffered ceiling. FDR, master suite w/ custom brkfst bar, bath w/ steam shower. 4 bedrm suites upstairs, 5th suite down w/ pvt entrance. 3rd story media room. Restoration glass skylight illuminates 2nd floor picture gallery. Backyrd w/ Italian wd burning pizza oven.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in the late 1980s and well into the 1990s, Mister John Goodman played the lovable and HUGE daddy on the sitcom juggernaut that was Roseanne. Then the show went to shit (sorry Roseanne hunny, but it did, and you know it), Roseanne the TV character won the lottery, became a spoiled bitch and then poof! Dan Conner was booted from that shitty little house in Lanford and the Emmy and Golden Globe winning actor was out on the street hustling for gigs.

In the subsequent years, Mister Goodman parlayed his tremendous fame into a very bizzy career with a dizzying list of television and film credits. Like so many actors looking to make heaps of money without actually appearing in front of the camera, he's recently voiced characters in big budget cartoon flicks like Cars, Monsters, Inc., Bee Movie and the upcoming Bunyan and Babe.

In September/October of 2007, the famously fat funnyman did a somewhat secret stint at Promises, the very same uber luxe rehab resort in Malee-boo where rich and famous galore flock to be treated for addiction issues. Promises lays claims to many celebrity successes, but it is also the very same fancy facility Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan unsuccessfully attempted to get sober. Your Mama sincerely hopes that Mister Goodman's sobriety sticks better than it did for either of these two fading stars.

Anyhoo, Your Mama hears from a very reliable source that Mister Goodman has recently purchased a new and newly built home in Pacific Palisades that was listed for $4,699,000. We've not yet been able to ascertain a purchase price for the home, but we're quite certain that our good buddy Mister Big Time will be able to ferret that number out before too long. Located just spitting distance from the Gelson's Supermarket, where all the fruit is so shiny sunglasses are required while shopping, listing information for the quasi East Coast style house indicates Goodman's new digs measure approx. 5,250 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms. The master bedroom includes a "custom brkfst bar," a slightly unusual but handy feature for those mornings when you simply can't face Svetlana the house cleaner, the hard ass Swedish nanny, or your own children before you've had a big cup of java to fortify your nerves.

Additionally, there is a media room tucked up under the eaves on the 3rd floor which sounds interesting, but seriously we hope there's a kitchenette up there because who wants to be humping and climbing up and down all those damn stairs in search of more ginger ale, Bourbon and popcorn in the middle of that wonderful television freak show that is The Housewives of Orange County?

We are a mite surprised that the builder of the property did not squeeze an itty bitty swimming pool into the smallish back yard, because if Your Mama has said it once, we've said it a thousand times, we would not dream of forking over in excess of $4,000,000 for a house that did not have a heated cee-ment pond. We know some of you are not "pool people," and good for you. But, frankly, for that kind of money Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter not only want a pool, but a good looking and barely dressed pool boy to live in the basement included in the purchase.

Clearly the house has been staged to within an inch of it's life, but as staging goes, this isn't the worst sort of fake decor offenses. Rather than look like a Home Despot interior design showroom the decors screams "Restoration Hardware couture," a description our pal Kenny Kissentell so cleverly coined.

Back in the 1990s, Mister Goodman lived in the Louise Avenue house in Encino that now belongs to troubled, dee-vorcing, and "He's Big in Germany" actor/singer/boozing beast David Hasselhoff. Although some reports say Mister Goodman later owned a house on the 600 block of Amalfi Drive in Pacific Palisades, but Your Mama suspects that is actually a different John Goodman because some of the particulars of the personal information in the records simply don't match up with personal information for our ack-tor subject.

However, what we have ascertained is that at some point Mister Goodman actually moved to New Orleans and purchased a 4,900 square house on Coliseum Street in the Garden District from Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor, whose recent real estate doings Your Mama discussed yesterday. Property records reveal that Mister Goodman paid $1,800,000 for the 4 bedroom and 3.5 bathroom house that features a swimming pool and a two car garage.

Your Mama hasn't a clue whether Mister Goodman is relocating back to Los Angeles or if he's simply securing an outpost for when he's in town for professional obligations. Whatever the case Your Mama wishes Mister Goodman a happy home and a lifetime of sobriety.

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