Sunday, December 23, 2007

The Ammon House in East Hampton

OWNERS: Gregory and Alexa Ammon (brother and sister)
LOCATION: Middle Lane, East Hampton, NY
PRICE: $275,000 (summer season 2008)
SIZE: 2.2 acres, 7,000 square feet (approx.), 7 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: English Tudor style home. Magnificent gardens and grounds on 2 plus acres. Short stroll to the ocean and village. 7 bedrooms, 6.5 baths, solarium, library, gourmet kitchen. Heated pool, pool house, 2.5 car garage. Very private.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: According to the gossip gurls at Newsday, the pretty but infamous Ted and Generosa Ammon house smack in the middle of one of the swankier sections of East Hampton, NY has already been leased for the 2008 summer season. The well to do Memorial Day to Labor Day tenants are reported to have coughed up $275,000 for the Middle Lane seasonal rental/crime scene.

Anyone who lives within two hundred miles of East Hampton, reads glossy gossip magazines like Vanity Fair, or watches tawdry made for T.V. movies already knows that the 7,000 square foot English Tudor style house is where millionaire financier Ted Ammon was brutally bludgeoned to death in October of 2001.

However, that's not even the scandalous part of the story. Oh no, children. Back in October 2001 when Mister Ammon turned up dead, the Mister and Missus Ammon were engaged in a ballistic and bitter dee-vorce battle. Shockingly, just three months after the murder and before the Mister was even cold in the ground, the widowed wifey married her electrician boyfriend Daniel Pelosi. Naturally, both Generosa and Daniel were "persons of interest" in the murder investigation. However, it was only after Generosa keeled over from breast cancer in 2003 that Mister Pelosi was convicted of the crime. Now, instead of being kept in the lap of luxury by his vastly wealthy wife, Mister Pelosi is living up in some penitentiary as the "wife" of some 250 pound gorilla who calls him Sally or some other ladee name. Karma is a bitch children. Remember that next time you're feeling like slicing and dicing your rich spouse.

Property records reveal that back when Mister and Missus Ammon were happily wedded, they purchased the 7 bedroom and 6.5 bathroom house in August of 1992 for $1,075,000. The couple adopted a couple of Russian twins who we presume noisily scampered around the 2.2 acre estate and happily frolicked in the heated pool that sits on the other side of a man-made lagoon from the house. That is until mommy got greedy and figured the best way to work out the financial details of the dee-vorce was simply to have her blue collar beau-hunk ice the huzband while his will still granted her his entire fortune.

After a lengthy and acrimonious custody battle, the Ammon children were eventually awarded to Mister Ammon's sister and reportedly live in Alabama. But surprisingly, they continue to own the East Hampton estate which, according the Newsday gurls, still contains "much of the art and collectibles that Generosa Ammon held near and dear." Which, quite frankly, seems a mite bit creepy to Your Mama.

All due respect and compassion for the plight of the Ammon twins, but Your Mama would never spend $275,000 to lease a Hamptons house that is filled with a murderous woman's belongings. Nor could we even consider spending more than a quarter million clams to look at those blinding copper panels and that shameful beige recliner in the solarium all damn summer.

Your Mama recommends that whoever it is that has plunked down $275,000 for the 2008 summer season bring a heap of sage to burn and a few pounds of garlic to ward of the bad juju that might still be lingering in the house. Otherwise enjoy that lovely little pool house and remember to pretend to not see Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld on the beach next summer because the last thing those two want is some yay-hoo renter shouting at them as they try to quietly sun themselves on the beach behind their $50,000,000 estate.

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