Thursday, December 13, 2007

Matthew Fox Tells Manhattan Beach to Get Lost

SELLER: Matthew Fox
LOCATION: Alma, Manhattan Beach, CA
PRICE: $2,275,000
SIZE: 2,491 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Ocean view classic Spanish home in sand section Manhattan Beach. Over sized street to alley lot. Fireplaces in master bedroom and family room. Lovely formal dining room. Enclosed patio off family room, great for entertaining. Originally built as 4 bedrooms, 2 baths currently used as 3 bedrooms and an office. 2 Bedrooms have built-in Murphy beds. Over sized master suite has panoramic ocean views and a full surround sound movie theatre. Big walk in closet with custom master bath. Large ocean view deck off master. Original hand painted tiles from Portugal used throughout. Hardwood floors throughout.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Unlike most of his cast mates, former Party of Five hottie Matthew Fox has managed to parlay his success on that sappy and sickeningly saccharine show into an honest to goodness television career. The last three years have found Mister Matthew in the tropical environs of Hawaii filming the cult favorite television program Lost, a show that quite frankly, is lost on Your Mama. Too many people and too many competing story lines for our gin soaked mind to keep sorted out after 7pm in the evening.

Anyhoo, property records reveal that back in April of 1999, just as Party of Five was wrapping up, Mister Matthew and his wifey Margherita purchased this Manhattan Beach house for $880,000. Located just six short blocks from the wide sandy beach and five blocks south of a gigantic and scary looking Chevron oil refinery, the somewhat Spanish style home measures 2,491 square feet with four bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.

Thanks to a friendly tipster we'll call Talkative Tim, Your Mama has learned that Mister Matthew has put his Manhattan Beach crib on the market for $2,275,000, which oughtta net the man over a million clams when it sells. Your Mama presumes, but can not say with any certainty because contrary to popular opinion we do not know Mister Fox, that since Lost is scheduled to run until 2010, a house in Manhattan Beach is no longer necessary for him or the other Foxes in his family.

In fact, two additional sources, both virtually omniscient when it comes to the residences of the rich and/or famous, tell us that Mister Fox and family have long vacated this house which would indicate that the rather lackluster and depressing beige furnishings belong to a tenant rather than the homeowner.

So rather than shred the coma inducing beige sofa or get too worked up over the upsetting patchwork bedspread that surely belongs to the tenant, Your Mama will stick to the bones of this house which technically still belong to the Matthew the Fox.

Fortunately for the tenant and owner, listing information indicates that the property features 4 parking spaces out front because parking can get a little hairy in this neighborhood on warm summer days when all the Inland Empire denizens drive over in their too big SUVs. Additionally, there is another parking spot in back where listing information indicates the 2 car garage has been converted to a 1 car garage. We have no idea what the other garage space is actually used for, but given Mister Fox's celebrity status, we would not be surprised to learn there was one of those Soloflex contraptions out there he used to beef up his guns when he lived stateside.

Inside we can appreciate the two corner fireplaces to take the chill off the salty seaside air. And the deck off the master bedroom that looks over the roof tops to the freezing cold Pacific Ocean looks like a fine place to ponder the nothingness. We can tolerate the all cement backyard that would look so much nicer and more inviting with randomly shaped flagstone and potted lavendar bushes and a little tomato garden, and we can just about cope with the kitchen because it is nicely sized and layed out even if it does look utterly worn out in the photo.

But children, those "original hand painted tiles from Portugal" in the master bathroom are giving Your Mama's a serious migraine not to mention raising the hair on the back of our neck. Listen, puppies, Your Mama actually has a good dose of Portuguese ancestry running through our booze diluted veins, but even still, we simply could not relax or concentrate deeply enough to do our durty bizness up in this bathroom with all that tile work shrieking and vying for attention. All due respect to our people in Portugal, but that shit would need to go. And fast.

Your Mama assumes that Mister Fox and the Fox family currently reside in Hawaii where Lost is filmed. However, a cursory search of Hawaiian records did not turn up any properties owned by Mister Fox, and of course, everyone knows the stoopid adage about what happens when one assumes. But we are simply too run down and headachy from all that complex tile pattern to delve any deeper into Mister Fox's real estate doings today, so assume we do. Perhaps our compatriot over at Big Time Listings can locate the scruffy stud's digs in Hawaii.

UPDATE: Talkative Tim once again contacted Your Mama with additional information about Mister Fox's whereabouts in Hawaii. Turns out a slightly more extensive search of records suggests that Mister Fox currently leases a 4,650 square foot residence on the Windward side of Oahu. Property records reveal that the ocean front residence on fancy pants Kailuana Loop, which features 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms, shares the same stretch of exclusive sandy beach as pair of houses comprising a large estate which sold in mid 2006 for a record $24,000,000.

No comments:

Post a Comment