Thursday, September 27, 2007

Alexis Stewart Keeps it Clean in Tribeca

SELLER: Alexis Stewart
LOCATION: 27 N. Moore Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $12,400,000
SIZE: 3,884 square feet, 3 bedroom, 3.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: WIth almost 4,000sf of space, the three bedroom, three and one-half bath loft has four exposures with incredible views overlooking Tribeca, the Hudson River and the city. There is a 14' x 34' terrace overlooking Tribeca, the City and the Hudson. The living area is solarium like with glass ceiling flooding the loft with wonderful light. The downstairs bedroom has a full bath and is now being used as a den/office with custom wood bookshelves and built in desk.

YOUR MAMAS UPDATE: Children we have heard from Miz Stewart–and another person who seems to know a lot of things about a lot of people–and we're told the apartment is actually grey, a very pale grey rather, than stark white. So please substitute "very pale grey" everywhere we say "white" below. We have also been told that the apartment was decorated by big bad mama Martha's number one gay Kevin Sharkey (the interior designer, not the Irish artist). Apparently it was Kevin who called for and then swooned and gasped with glee over those seamless grey terrazzo floors. Alexis hunny, if we're wrong anywhere here, we'd love to have your sassy input. You can email Your Mama at

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Continuing with the theme of Manhattan penthouse apartments that have been purchased by filthy rich parents for their lucky children, we head down to Tribeca (Triangle Below Canal for those unfamiliar with New York City) to the nearly colorless home of Alexis Stewart, daughter of big bad mama Martha Stewart.

Yesterday we received a nice email from a gentleman whom we'll call The Socks Luver, who kindly linked Your Mama over to a recent and wee article in New York Magazine about the downtown penthouse the younger Miz Stewart recently dumped on the market with the ear piercing asking price of $12,400,000.

Your Mama did a little digging and investigating of our own and it appears from the property records and deed information on file with the city that it was actually big bad mama Martha who purchased this condominium back in May of 1999. The purchase price is not revealed in the documents we perused, but mortgage information suggests big bad mama Martha spent close to $3,000,000 to provide her daughter Alexis a home. Naturally, the mortgage has already been satisfied and ownership has been transferred to an LLC with Alexis' name.

Earlier this year, there were scads of rumors and reports that Miz Alexis coughed up $35,000,000 to purchase three floors at one of the Richard Meier towers in the far West Village (165 Charles Street) with the intention of creating a colossal triplex overlooking the Hudson River. Subsequent reports stated that it was actually big bad mama Martha who purchased the trio of all glass apartments.

If history is any indication of the future, we might reasonably assume that big bad mama Martha is not so interested in actually living in the Meier towers, having already bought and sold a duplex at 173 Perry Street that she never actually occupied. History also tells us that big bad mama Martha has purchased multi-million dollar homes for her only child before. So perhaps all the rumors were indeed true and radio hostess Alexis will move into the 165 Charles Street triplex after all? We'll just have to wait and see on that one children.

We can appreciate Miz Alexis' penthouse with it's expansive layout, huge custom fitted walk in closet in the master bedroom, and the well equipped kitchen, but there are a number of issues that concern us here.

Your Mama appreciates a monochromatic color scheme as much as the next person, and we can dig all white rooms. But this place is just ridiculous children. There is so much sunlight and so many reflective white surfaces that surely one must wear their damn sunglasses inside this house during the daytime or run the risk of searing their retinas.

Another worry we have about Miz Alexis' very clean and all white penthouse is that it overlooks a very bizzy traffic circle that is often clotted up with cars exiting the Holland Tunnel. Not only does this mean the terrace is off limits during rush hour due to the excessive and annoying honking to which New York City commuters are unfortunately prone, but windows can never, ever be left open for any length of time lest every inch of that all white apartment be covered in a pesky and nearly impossible to clean layer of soot and car exhaust. Anyone who has ever lived in New York or any other traffic laden city knows just what we're talking about.

At the risk of sounding hostile, this place is practically devoid of the little objects and artworks that make a house a home, and while it's lovely in it's very spare and extremely clean way, it does not look friendly. So Your Mama is thrilled to see all the bookshelves stuffed full of books in this penthouse, because not only do they look great and add the only color to be seen in the place, but they're also the only personal and intimate items to be seen (poorly placed gym equipment does not count).

Given that the customized kitchen features two SubZero refrigerator/freezers and two dishwashers, Your Mama assumes that either Miz Alexis got the cooking bug for her mother, or big bad Martha wanted a well equipped kitchen so that when she visited she would have all the necessary equipment to whip up a chocolate cake with butter cream frosting on a moments notice. From scratch, natch.

We understand that Miz Alexis' biological clock is ticking loud and she wants a baby. In fact, she wants a baby really bad and reports say she's spending a fortune trying to get one. Perhaps that is why she wants to move out of her stark white penthouse apartment that would surely be destroyed by a toddler who can't help but put their grimy hands on the white walls and spill grape juice on every white sofa in the place.

Although $10,000,000+ residences are a dime a dozen in celebrity and Wall Street tycoon friendly Tribeca, Your Mama has to wonder if there's any real possibility of Miz Alexis' penthouse fetching anywhere near the asking price. A little digging reveals that in August of 2006, another similar but much larger penthouse unit in the same building sold for just $7,850,000. Is Alexis being optimistic or just plain foolish? You decide.

The website for Miz Alexis' radio program actually has a few photos of the penthouse and reveals that Miz Alexis is every bit as organized and tidy as her mama, which is, of course, a good thing. She also has a lot of bras. A lot.

One of our lovely readers also provided a link to a funny little YouTube video that will give everyone a sense of who Alexis is and her orderly lifestyle. She's a lot like her mother, isn't she? Honestly, she seems like someone opinionated and outspoken and very sure of herself. We like her, despite her too white penthouse.

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