Monday, September 10, 2007

Janice Dickinson's New Temporary Home

RENTER: Janice Dickinson
LOCATION: Skyline Drive, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $5,250 / month
SIZE: 3,034 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Dramatic architectural home with gated courtyard entry! Soaring wood-beam ceilings and walls of glass capture sweeping canyon views from every room and fill the home with an abundance of natural light. Glossy hdwd floors grace the public rooms upstairs, which open out to a deck spanning the entire back of the home–perfect for outdoor relaxation/entertaining. Gourmet ktchn, sprawling master suite w/ deck access, updated baths, new sisal floors dnstairs, patio and front yard.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama always imagined that Janice Dickinson, the self proclaimed world's first supermodel lived in a big Bev Hills house she bought years ago with modeling money, dee-vorce settlements, and the gifts of generous gentlemen. We pictured a living room worthy of the Studio 54 crowd with lots of mirrors and dusty portraits of herself hanging over the fireplaces. Sort of Paris Hilton-esque, only from the disco generation. But alas. Turns out that Miz Janice Dickenson, once a judge on America's Next Top Model and now the owner of an Los Angeles based modeling agency that is featured on yet another trashy reality show called The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, rents like all the common folk. RENTS!

Back in February, the thrice married mother of two packed up her cardboard boxes at the modest 1,824 square foot house she rented on Westwanda Drive way up in the Hills of Beverly, and decamped for a new, larger, and more glamorous rental house high in the Hills of Hollywood.

The notoriously foul mouthed and sharp tongued Miz Dickinson's new digs feature 3,034 square feet of post modern house that hang over the canyon below. The house is approached through a walled and gated courtyard which is a perfect and protected from coyotes location for Linda and Beverly to bathe their long bodies in the morning sun.

The living room, a light and bright space with a vaulted ceiling, could use some spice and a rug, but we suspect Miz Dickinson, a fully loaded spice rack herself, has outfitted this place with more style and zip than we see here with the dark leather club chair style furniture and Pier 1 coffee tables.

Although Your Mama is not down with the lemon yellow wall color in the kitchen and dining area, we do like the pared down simplicity of the glossy white cabinets and stone floor. Too many kitchens try too hard to be examples of new-fangled and forward thinking design, and this one is, refreshingly and deliciously just a nicely renovated kitchen with a great view of the tree tops through the floor to ceiling windows. We suspect that in an effort to stay super model thin, Miz Dickinson won't do much more than boil water for green tea and peel a banana in this kitchen, but just in case she ever gets the the undeniable urge for a chili dog the way Your Mama does, at least she's equipped to deal with the craving.

The view from the terrace that runs the length of the back of the house is verdant if not dramatic, and Your Mama pictures Miz Dickinson entertaining the small army of men (and women) that flock to her like white on rice on this terrace. While being interviewed on the tawdry and disturbing Howard Stern Show, the 52 year old ex-mannequin claimed to have slept with more than 1,000 men, and we imagine this terrace is as good a place for Miz Dickinson to woo a man out of his pants as any.

Now children, don't any of you wannabe models, fake titty fanatics, or M.I.L.F. lovers get the not very wise idea of driving up to Skyline Drive in order to catch a glimpse of Miz Dickinson in all her boobed glory. First of all, the streets are dangerously narrow and not equipped to deal with a fleet of 1988 Toyota Camrys, not to mention that Miz Dickinson will not think twice about running out of her damn house in her birthday suit to give you a beat down for disturbing her morning ablutions. If you think Britney Spears was out of control with that umbrella, well then you've never seen Miz Dickinson wield a tube of mascara and a five inch Manolo Blahnik she pilfered from a photo shoot. (Just kidding Miz Dickinson, just kidding. About the pilfering part anyway.)

Sources: The Gilded Moose

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