Saturday, September 8, 2007

The House Homer Simpson's Voice Built

SELLER: Dan Castellaneta
LOCATION: San Lorenzo Street, Santa Monica, CA
PRICE: $3,295,000
SIZE: 3,891 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Santa Monica Canyon near beach. Stunning contemporary with flexible floor plan, great media room, large formal dining room, breakfast area, separate master suite with adjoining library/office. Four additional bedrooms. Fab art studio. Walk-in wine cellar. Lovely private flat yard with room for pool.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to a tip by a gentleman we will call The Rolling Stone, Your Mama has learned that comedy great Dan Castellaneta has put his Santa Monica Canyon house on the market for $3,295,000. Although the Emmy winning Mister Castellaneta has appeared in loads of films and television programs such as the unfairly canceled Arrested Development, the Will Smith vehicle The Pursuit of Happyness, and a few episodes of Everyone Loves Raymond, the funny man is most famous for being the voice of Homer Simpson on the long running and phenomenally successful cartoon program The Simpsons.

Property records indicate that Mister Castellaneta and his writer wifey Deb Lacusta purchased this property way back in in August of 1993 for just $1,000,000. It's unclear to Your Mama if the couple built this house all new or if what we see is a result of an extensive renovation of an existing residence. Whatever the case, this Hollywood couple has stayed living in this location much longer than the average celebrity home owner who, by our rudimentary and not very scientific estimation, typically moves every 2-4 years.

Presenting a deliciously fortress like and wonderfully windowless facade on the street–who needs nosy neighbors peeping through the windows while you're doing an interpretive dance in the living room?–the interior of the "L" shaped house opens to the long, narrow and flat backyard that, bizarrely, does not include a heated swimming pool. Your Mama has said it before and today we will say it again, we are never going to be in the market for a house with an asking price in excess of $3,000,000 that does NOT include a lovely and serene backyard area where Mauritzio the masseur can come by on Mondays and Thursdays to rub our weary muscles pool side. Perhaps parents with pesky progeny find a swimming pool-less house desirable so they need not worry that the absent minded nanny (who really wants to be an ack-tress) will let the brats drown while she's running lines with her boyfriend. However, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter do not have, nor do we ev-er want any excessively loud children who would surely put a damper on our quiet and luxe pool-side lifestyle.

We are desperate to appreciate the possibly too contrived Mondrian theme in the media room. We can live with, and even like, the wall unit that houses the flat screen and the Emmys, but Your Mama can not get our tired brain to sort out or our lazy eyes to focus properly on that complicated shelf-thing on the back wall. A large and glossy Gary Hume or kooky Inka Essenhigh painting would be much preferable. Or perhaps a hugely scaled and bleak landscape like our friend The Chicken does. Anything but the weird shelving unit, please. Naturally we love the white sofas, we always do, but Your Mama would prefer to see a larger and more boldly colored rug to anchor the space.

Your Mama is indeed appreciating the large master suite which includes a bedroom, sitting room and a well appointed but still modest bathroom. This set up provides ample space to get away and ignore the tussles and frequent needs of children and guests who stay too long.

That third floor aerie is a quite lovely space with the peaked ceiling and generous use of glass–and again with the lovely white sofa, but unless there is an elevator servicing that sky high location, Your Mama would seldom be hauling our fat ass up to the large sun deck in order to bronze our acres of flesh. We expect that this room and terrace would be used almost exclusively by our new pussycat Sugar, who likes sunny, warm and high places that are beyond the reach of our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly. Also, be prepared to have to pay Helga the housekeeper extra for hauling the vacuum up to this level.

Your Mama has never met Mister Castellaneta, who by all accounts is a funny and warm gentleman, so we really haven't a clue where he and the wifey will be relocating. However, given the tremendous and enviable residuals that he is sure to earn from The Simpsons for the rest of his life, we imagine they will be moving to a more costly, private and gated location that includes a swimming pool and a maybe even a tennis court. Anyone?

Sources: Internet Movie Data Base

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