Monday, September 10, 2007

It's French Country for Britney Spears

BUYER: Britney Spears
LOCATION: Ramirez Canyon Road, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $9,350,000 (list)
SIZE: 8,500 square feet (approx.), 7 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Finest quality & custom details throughout this Ramirez Canyon estate nestled within towering sycamore trees & park like grounds. Remodel just completed! Spacious living areas including kitchen w/ Viking appliances, family room, dining room w/ fireplace, great room w/ fireplace, mater suite w/ dual bathrooms, walk-in closet, fireplace & balcony, private third level bonus room could be nursery/gym/office. Basement w/ media room & wine cellar. Guest house, pool, spa and room for horses.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Poor Britney Spears. The trashy, troubled, and fading pop star may not have done herself any professional favors with her lackluster lip synch performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last night, but she is still one very rich young gurl who likes to swap residences the way most people change their underwear.

Spears, who frequently stays in swanky hotels even though she currently owns a luxury Beverly Hills mansion that languishes on the market for $7,495,000, long ago put the Malee-boo mansion she shared with ex-huzband Kevin "The White Rapper" Federline on the market for $13,500,000 (later reduced to $11,999,000). Today, Mister Big Time reported that the Mediterranean style property has disappeared from the MLS and speculated that the house has either gone to contract for sale or that Miz Spears has elected to keep the house. Back in July, and on the tips of multiple sources, Your Mama, as well as a number of other gossips, reported that the Malee-boo mansion had indeed been sold to an anonymous buyer even though the listing remained active in the MLS.

However, Your Mama can now reveal that information provided to us by Our Fairy Godmother in Malee-boo indicates that the buyer, director/writer/producer Stephen Sommers, paid a flat $10,000,000 for the property. We're quite certain this will be reported widely within days, but remember children, you read it here first.

Your Mama also received some very good intelligence from Lucy Spillerguts, one of our most prolific and reliable sources, about where the nudity loving single mommy of two will soon be moving now that the Malee-boo manse has indeed been sold. Turns out it's just a few miles north to the Point Dume area where she will soon be relocating to an 8,500 square foot house that sits on a 5 acre parcel on gated Ramirez Canyon Road. Did you hear Your Mama? Gated. So don't even think of trying to get your mama to drive your teenage ass out to Malee-boo to watch the uncouth "singer" unpack her world class collection of Cheetos and cut off denim shorts that come thisclose to exposing her naughty bits.

As of today, Your Mama is unsure whether Miz Spears has leased or purchased this French Country style house. However, all signs point towards a purchase. The newly renovated house, which was recently listed at $9,350,000, includes 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, a large living room with low ceilings, a dining room with high ceilings and a view of the heated pool, a master that includes a fireplace and dual bathrooms, one for her and one for her rotating cast of man friends, currently rumored to be Las Vegas illusionist Criss Angel. The square footage also includes a media room, wine cellar, family room, eat in kitchen and enough spare bedrooms for all her gays to head out to Malee-boot for a slumber party.

The 5 acre estate is accessed by a charming wooden bridge and the park-like grounds will give the Feder-tots plenty of privacy and room to play hide and seek. Remember Brit Brit hunny, if they hide, you are supposed to go seek them yourself, not send the manny sometime later in the afternoon. The rolling grounds include lush lawns, a heated swimming pool, guest house, and room for horses. But Your Mama sincerely hopes Miz Spears things twice about buying ponies for the boys.

On a serious note, Your Mama genuinely wishes this Britney Spears gurl and her bad weaves some peace and quiet in her life and in her new house. People, this out of control soul has children. Children! If even half the stories we hear about the one time princess of pop and that disastrous photo shoot with OK magazine are true, she's got a long road to health in front of her. Hunnies we can't even repeat what we heard happened up there. Suffice to say what we heard from an inside source was far more lurid, salacious, and disturbing than was printed in all the tabs. Way more.

Source: Pacific Coast News (photo)

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