Sunday, August 26, 2007

Rafael Furcal's Townhouse of Horrors

SELLER: Rafael Furcal
LOCATION: S. Oakland Avenue, Pasadena, CA
PRICE: $1,159,000
SIZE: 1,860 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Fantastic "Celebrity" owned newer one of a kind 3 level incredible "Venezian townhouse. Shows like a model. May be Largest unit in complex. Mahogany flrs, custom stone work, ganite & custom tiles, master suite with fireplace, open cooks kitchen, Viking appliances outside Viking grill, Private elevator, 3 bedrooms, 5 baths, Great bonus/billiard/media room, 2 car private garage, Flat sceen TV & sound equip & some furniture is available. Great unit!

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama knows about as much about baseball as Prissy knew about birthin' babies in Gone With the Wind. Which is basically nothin'. So quick now, boil up some water and get me a pile of clean towels because Your Mama is going to attempt to tell you something about Rafael Furcal, who the internets tell us is a short stop for the Los Angeles Dodgers, and the Pasadena condominium he has on the market for $1,159,000.

Now babies, ordinarily Your Mama can not be found combing the condominium listings in Pasadena. We know that Pasadena has some gorgeous Greene and Greene residences and we are well acquainted with the so called Suicide Bridge that spans the Arroyo Seco in Old Town Pasadena. But that is about it for our paltry knowledge of pretty Pasadena. However Your Mama received an email from a gentleman we'll call Lenny Loudmouth who tipped us off to this listing.

Of course, before chatting with Lenny Loudmouth, Your Mama had never iven heard of this Mister Rafael Fucal. A quick search on the internets and Your Mama learned that Mister Furcal, a native Dominican, goes by the naughty sounding nick name "Fookie," has a couple of DUIs under his belt, performed something rare called the "unassisted triple play, and a quick look at the photos provided with the listing for the condo Mister "Fookie" calls home, tells Your Mama that the short stop stops short of having good taste. This well developed athlete could certainly benefit from a nice gay decorator to getting up in his townhouse condominium to work some serious magic.

According to property records, Mister "Fookie" only purchased this 3 bedroom and 4 bathroom townhouse style condominium in April of 2006 for $1,139,000. Which means that with the current asking price of $1,159,000, Mister "Fookie" will be losing money on the transaction after the real estate fees are paid. Which is pretty tough to do in the greater Los Angeles real estate market, even with the mortgage markets in turmoil.

We can all thank the baby jeezis that this three floor townhouse comes with it's own private elevator servicing all floors, because not all Pasadena townhouse lovers have the physical abilities and stamina that a professional baseball player like Mister "Fookie" surely has.

No babies, your eyeballs are not going bad, the photos of the interior are indeed fuzzy with some sort of dizzying pattern, but if you squint your eyes, you'll find it's not worth the effort to do so.

Your Mama has got two questions that perhaps the children can discuss:

1. What is it about heterosexual bachelor men that makes them want a pool table? You don't find these felt covered monstrosities up in the homes of single homosexuals. And do not tell Your Mama that the gays don't play pool. Because if you say that then clearly you have never been to bar where the homosexually inclined congregate. Fierce pool competitions children, fierce.

2. Who is the bikini clad babe in the big photograph hanging on the back wall of the bedroom? Please tell Your Mama that is not Mister "Fookie's" mama.

Note to Lenny got any additional information on Mister "Fookie" that you would like to see discussed on Your Mama's little blog, you be sure to give us a shout.

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