Friday, July 4, 2008

Beck Is Flipping Out in Hancock Park

SELLER: Beck (Campbell) and Marissa Ribisi
LOCATION: S. Hudson Avenue, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $9,000,000
SIZE: 5,718 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: On a beautifully manicured corner lot setting w/ huge mature trees, this handsome estate offers large scale public rooms. Large living room, library, formal din rm plus huge kit/fam rm measures 53' x 26' which serves as lifestyle center of the home. Grand master suite has his & hers baths & walk-in closets. Five family bedrooms w/ en suite baths. Professional recording studio and rehearsal room in guest house, grassy back yard, swim lane pool, privacy & security make this a rare find.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama just lurvs it like crazy when we get celebrity real estate tips from the children and yesterday we were lucky enough to hear from Tina Tonguewagger who pointed our bleary eyes towards a house in Hancock Park that was recently put on the market with an impressive $9,000,000 asking price. There ain't many nine million dollar listings in Hancock Park so this one will surely garner some attention from all the real estate gossips, not to mention that it is being flipped by maverick musician Beck (Campbell) and his ack-turus turned fashion designer wifey Marissa Ribisi who is, of course, Giovanni's twin sister.

Prop records reveal that Mister and Missus Beck only purchased the recently rehabbed 5,718 square foot corner residence in June of 2007. That's right children, June of 2007. A few quick flicks of the beads on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus indicates that the proud Scientologists are asking an astounding $2,250,000 more than the $6,750,000 records show they paid for the place just one year ago. Now that, my puppies, takes some serious real estate cajones, partick in a sagging real estate market in an area where not a lot of houses sell for anywhere near nine million clams.

Then again, the house does occupy one of the better corners in the hoity toity neighborhood with Bruce Rabin's 14,071 square foot Tudor across the street, the Japanese consulate catty corner and across the street to the north sits a proper estate with swimming pool and tennis court that recently and quietly transferred for $8,950,000. Just a few doors up S. Hudson Avenue is the 9,676 square foot place that was scooped up by Emmy winning boob toob producer John Wells in August of 2007 for $10,400,000, and let's not forget Mister David Schwimmer who rattles around in his beautifully maintained 11,336 square foot, 10 bedroom and 9 bathroom behemoth across the street from Mister Wells. So maybe, just maybe, nine million big ones isn't so much to ask after all. Hmm.

Listing information indicates that in addition to formal living and dining rooms, the house features a library, dual baths and walk in closets in the master suite, and a colossal kitchen/family room that measures in at nearly 1,400 square feet. Out back is a swim lane pool, large grassy areas on which the kiddies can play and the pooches can piddle, and the guest house has been converted into a recording studio and rehearsal room, a feature that Your Mama is quite sure musicians will salivate over and for which non-musicians will want to tear out immediately.

From the looks of the listing photographs, Your Mama thinks it's probably safe to assume that Mister and Missus Beck did not bother to consult or hire a nice gay decorator to do up their day-core. And while it's refreshing to see a house that has not been wrecked by an over processed high-celebrity day-core, they really should have called one of Your Mama's nice gay decorator pals because let's be honest children, there's really little to love when it comes to the furniture choices and placement. The large entrance hall would be better off if the round table was removed, and do we even want to know about that white lady standing in the corner? Good lawhd children that thing would scare the buhjeezis right out of Your Mama peering out of the corner some dark night when we came a-sneakin' down to the kitchen for an after midnight Popsicle.

The living room is lacking in any sort of warmth (a nice rug would be a good place to start cozying things up) and the dining room the table is pathetically small for the generously sized room. Unfortunately, the addition of the rug and two slipper chairs to fill one end of the dining room only enhances the lack of decorative vision. We do, however, appreciate the cluster of thrift store portraits in mismatched frames. That's working just fine.

Upstairs in the master bedroom, everything looks like it was put in the correct place, but why does it all look so curiously small? Your Mama is not so bothered by televisions sitting above fireplaces in family room, but it would have been so dman easy to hide the television in a cabinet in this room. So easy in fact that it seems sorta silly not to. It's fine when you're watching it, but what about when you're not? It's a little troublesome to think of that big black screen staring out at you while you're trying to read a dee-lishus Richard Yates novel.

Undoubtedly the kitchen and family room is where this young family of four spends most of their time. We're thrilled–and not surprised–to see a wall chock full of books. We may not appreciate Beck and Marissa's decorating sensibilities, but the fact that the couple has actual books in their house in a room they actually use makes up for a lot of interior design crimes. The books absolutely do not make up for that upsetting white lady in the entrance hall, but they do soften us to the notion that Mister and Missus may have simply not gotten around to selecting a rug for the living room or purchased a properly sized dining room table.

Although records show that Mister and Missus Beck also own a modest house in the Point Dume area of Malee-boo, Your Mama can't imagine why this couple would bother to buy and move into this house only to turn around a sell it just a year later. But if we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times, who are we to make sense of the crazy real estate ways of the rich and famous?

Now then children...Happy freaking Fourth of Joo-lie. Go watch some fireworks and leave Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter to sip some juicy gin and tonics in peace.

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