Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Dr. House Buys A House

SELLER: Pat Magnarella
BUYER: Hugh Laurie
LOCATION: Los Tilos Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $3,840,000
SIZE: 3,242 square feet (as per assessor), 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Magical garden paradise on over 1.2 acres in Outpost Estates. Walled, gated, English Country house with magnificent city views, pool, guest house w/ spectacular gardens in the Hollywood Hills. Mature planting, thrilling trails, lookouts, water features & Arcadian delights. A private paradise, lge motor court to accommodate many cars. Lovely public rooms, recently remodeled kitchen, formal dining. Master bedroom w/ balcony, views. Det. gym. Charming gst hse w/ bathroom by pool.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: A few days ago Your Mama was covertly contacted by a tipster we'll call Sassy Soozie who whispered in our big ear that a perfectly private property on Los Angeles' Los Tilos Road had been recently purchased by award winning and piano playing British actor Hugh Laurie. Although Your Mama avoids hospital dramas like the damn plague, many if not most of the children will recognize Mister Laurie as the man who works his actor stuff as the gimpy, misanthropic and cantankerous genius Dr. Gregory House on Emmy winning boob toob phenom House M.D. Of course, Mister Laurie was famous (and probably rich) long before he took up a cane and stopped shaving for his role on House. The intense eyed actor with a serious comedic streak starred in films like the comedy-drama Peter's Friends as well as the high-larious but somewhat short lived A Bit of Fry & Laurie sketch comedy program which aired on the BBC from 1987-1995.

A little touching base with a few folks in our spider web of contacts and Your Mama found a second source willing to quietly confirm Sassy Soozie's tip that the house on Los Tilos was bought by Mister Laurie and his wifey Jo and in the course of our peering and poking into the property records Your Mama also discovered to our wonderment and surprise that the house was sold by veteran music manager Pat Magnarella who has made millions successfully steering rock/pop-punk groups like Green Day, The Goo Goo Dolls and The Wallflowers.

Property records show that Mister Magnarella purchased the 3,242 square foot English Country style residence located in the Outpost Estates section of the Hollywood Hills in September of 2001 for $2,000,000. It's unclear to Your Mama just how much renovation work Mister and Missus Magnarella did to the place, but listing information does say the galley kitchen was recently remodeled. This isn't exactly the picture of a perfect remodel in Your Mama's mind, but it's certainly better than the tur-quawze Formica and lackluster linoleum that we imagine was here before the Magnarella overhaul.

It is Your Mama's understanding that Mister and Missus Laurie forked over $3,840,000 for their new crib which hovers high over the street and up a sweeping celebrity style driveway that makes Your Mama swoon with envy. The 1.2+ acre property spreads over two hillside parcels and includes a large parking area where Mister Laurie's celebrity band mates including James Denton and Terri Hatcher from Desperate Housewives and The Bachelor's Bob Guiney can park their shiny automobiles during rehearsals for their charity cover band Band From TV (thanks Claudia for the correx). Strategically and smartly positioned to take advantage of the glittery view of the twinkling lights of Los Angeles, the house sits amid a scrubby and sylvan oasis with trails that wind around the hillside lots which are dotted with quiet and contemplative spots perfect for reading, meditating and being attacked by canyon dwelling critters.

Listing information Your Mama received from a trusted friend shows the house includes 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms including a large master bedroom with a private sitting area and balcony. Also in the modestly sized abode according to listing information are living and dining rooms, a den, several covered and enclosed patios, two fireplaces and somewhere on the property is a detached gym where Mister Laurie can work on his slim Hollywood fih-zeek, natch, and at one end of the house a terrace with an uglee green canopy looks out over a flat lawn area as well as down towards the free form shaped swimming pool at the bottom of the hillside. Fortunately there is a guest house with a bathroom adjacent to the brick surrounded and serene looking swimming pool because Your Mama imagines there might be some unfortunate bladder incidents if we had to haul our bathing suit clad fat ass and gin and tonic swelled belly up all them steps to get to a terlit lickety split.

Your Mama has got no beef with Mister Magnarella or his wifey, but it is our humble and utterly meaningless opinion that they decorated this house too much like it belongs to a sixty five year old English spinster. So we sincerely hope that Mister and Missus Laurie will have the good sense to use some of that House money to hire a good architect to work out some of the architectural kinks (like the not so great location of the front door), a landscape designer to work some plant magic on that sad looking hillside above the swimming pool and a nice gay decorator who will clear out, clean up and re-do the interiors for the Mister and Missus Laurie and their three children.

No comments:

Post a Comment