Monday, July 7, 2008

Brad Wilk Rages Right Out to the Suburbs (Plus Some Britney Spears Nonsense)

BUYER: Brad Wilk
LOCATION: Prado de los Suenos, Calabasas, CA
PRICE: $5,890,000
SIZE: 7,949 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 4.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Just under 8,000 sq. ft. designer quality hm. Grmt kitch w/ brkfst bar, 60" Wolf range, Sub-Zero more. Extensive use of limestone & sctm tiles/stone from Walker Zanger & Ann Sack. Mstr bth w/ heated flrs, steam shower, infinity tub, cstm closets & lrg yrd w/ salt water Pebble Tech pool w/ water feature/spa/blt-in custom bbq and outdoor fireplace. Wired for Tech Smart system.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Bear with Your Mama this morning because we're still thick with morning dew and as a result we're taking a somewhat circuitous route to today's discussion...

For weeks now all the gossip glossies and scuttlebutting blogs have been hootin' and hollerin' that newly sane and quite possibly past her prime pop star Britney Spears is packing up the pink wig and pantry full of Cheetos and heading to a humongous house in the swank gated community in Calabasas called The Oaks.

Well children, here's what Your Mama knows–and does not know–about the sitch-ee-ay-shun.

1. We know from the reams of reports that Miss Spears was recently granted permission to sell the Beverly Hills house of horrors that she scooped up on a late evening lark during the crazy days following her dee-vorce from baby daddy Kevin Federline. This is, of course, the very same house in the guard gated and high priced Summit community from which she was was hauled off to Cedars-Sinai in a blinding and embarrassing blaze of sirens and flash bulbs in early January 2008.

2. We know that in addition to the aforementioned 9,130 square foot Bev Hills house, Miss Spears leased an estate on Ramirez Canyon Road in the hills above Malee-boo. Your Mama understands but can not confirm that the lease for the approx. 8,500 square foot house has expired and not been renewed.

3. We know that the house hopping high priestess of hair weaving has been spotted touring high priced properties across the San Fernando Valley.

4. We know that there are lots of reports that she purchased (or maybe leased) a newly completed 10,300 square foot (approx.) mansion called Chateau Suenos that was last listed at $10,800,000 and located on Prado de los Suenos in The Estates section of The Oaks.

5. Your Mama does not know if Miss Spears actually bought the house on Prado de los Suenos or not. The listing has been removed from the MLS, but as of this morning, we don't see any transfer records and none of our sources have been able to confirm a purchase.

However, in the course of our poking around, our wickedly well informed celebrity real estate know it all Lucy Spillerguts told Your Mama that Rage Against the Machine drummer Brad Wilk and wifey Selene recently purchased the 7,949 square foot home that sits just a few doors down from the Calabasas crib that Miss Spears is rumored (but not confirmed) to have purchased (or leased).

Property records show that in February of 2008 Mister and Missus Wilk scooped up the newly built tile roofed 5 bedroom and 4.5 bathroom suburban sprawler wor $5,890,000. Who would have thought that a young and tattooed rock star rich and famous for drumming in a heavy metal/funk/punk band known for its button pushing and politically charged lyrics would end up in a gated enclave of spec-built multi-million dollar mansions in suburban Los Angeles...just about the least rebellious place a person can live. Then again, The Estates at The Oaks is the very same the same private enclave where +44 drummer Travis Barker moved last year after he sold his big house in Bel Air to Avril "The Spitter" Lavigne. So maybe rebellious rock stars like conventional living after all.

While Your Mama finds Calabasas to be a little far from the action in Los Angeles and far too homogeneous architecturally for our particular and sensitive tastes, the location of Mister Wilk's new house certainly makes sense for rich and famous folks who don't appreciate common people or paps roaming freely on the streets and sidewalks. Not only is The Oaks a guard gated master planned community, the Wilk residence sits up in The Estates section, an even more exclusive enclave within The Oaks which features a second set of electronic gates so the less fortunate folks who occupy merely large tract homes in The Oaks aren't able to drive up and gawk at the truly large tract homes in The Estates. These developers just never tire of adding an extra layer of perceived exclusivity, do they?

Anyhoo, located on Prado de los Suenos–which translates into the rather corny Street of Dreams, Mister Wilks single story house actually has a second story which features a large recreation room with a small balcony looking out over the back yard and panoramic views over the suburban stretch of tile roofs below. Listing information reveals that other amenities include living and dining rooms, three fireplaces, a four car garage, family room, gym, a library/study, media room, office a covered patio, a master bathroom with heated floors, infinity edged bath tub and a steam shower. Out back listing information indicates there is a non-slip Pebble Tec swimming pool, private spa, built-in barbecue, outdoor fireplace, blah, blah, blah.

Frankly children, Your Mama doesn't find anything exceptional, notable or particularly desirable about this house or 'hood. Yes, it's a large house in a secure location, the local schools are said to be good and the neighbors probably (too) keenly concerned about lawn care and keeping out middle class riff raff. And the materials are of probably of good quality, the kitchen has high grade appliances and all that kind of crap. But it also looks upsettingly similar to all the other big and newly built cookie cutter cribs in Calabasas, a situation that crushes Your Mama's free spirited soul just a little.

All of you people who love living behind the gates in a freshly constructed faux Tuscan/Mediterranean mish-mash mansions with the exact same floor plan and finishes as Ted and Wanda Tracthouse down the street, all the more power to you. There are certainly no shortage of these sorts of high priced developments to choose from. But Your Mama feels squeamish about all the Herculean efforts required to keep up with all the Jims and Jennifers driving fancy cars and raising over achieving children up in all the high toned gated communities that sprinkle the outlying areas of Los Angeles.

Now then, iffin any you children who know a thing or two about The Estates want to fill Your Mama in on whether that Miss Spears is moving to the valley, be sure and give us a ringy dingy.

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