Thursday, July 24, 2008

The 740 Park Avenue Sell Off

SELLER: Peter Huang
LOCATION: 740 Park Avenue, New York, NY
PRICE: $38,000,000 (maintenance and common charges: $10,574/month)
SIZE: 7,500 square feet (approx.), 5 bedrooms, 7.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: ...A private elevator landing opens to an impressive entry gallery with a grand staircase. It boasts large scale rooms with 10 foot ceilings. There is a separate staircase that leads to the servants quarters. This elegant duplex has beautiful moldings throughout, hardwood floors and wood burning fireplaces...

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Oh children, Your Mama is betwixt and breathless this morning contemplating the latest co-operative apartment to become available in the dee-luxe and obscenely-exclusive 740 Park Avenue in New York City. Seldom do apartments in the Rosario Candela designed building on the corner of 71st Street and Park Avenue hit the open market. However, a dy-no-mite doo-plex on the fourth and fifth floors has recently hit the market with a blistering $38,000,000 asking price.

According to property records and recent reports, the dee-lishus doo-plex is currently owned by Chinese born financier Peter Huang who purchased the lavish spread back in 1977. Mister Huang, who seems to keep a pretty low public profile, was once married to a ladee named Nancy who reportedly ruffled a some of the freakishly rich and security conscious feathers of 740 Park residents when she invited such colorful and flamboyant rock stars like Kid Creole, Fab Five Freddie and Chic's Nile Rodgers to parties. While Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter would love nothing more than to have such folks as guests, this is just not done at 740 Park Avenue children.

Listing information indicates the 5 bedroom and 7.5 bathroom apartment measures in at (approx.) 7,500 square feet. That figure alone is unusual in that many of the more restrictive co-ops in New York don't care for details of the building leaking out. For example, real estate agents lucky enough to secure a listing in the ridiculously ritzy River House on East 52nd Street are reportedly forbidden to use the name of the building in advertising and marketing materials. We think that is simply stoopid and silly, but then again so are many of the arcane rules and regulations that govern New York's most expensive addresses.

Anyhoo, before we pick through the fa-boo floor plan which provides some serious real estate porn for anyone interested in how the mega-moneyed elite live in New York City, let's run the numbers: 2 floors, 16 rooms, 22 (or 23) closets, 44 windows, 10 foot ceilings, 4-5 bedrooms (depending on how the rooms are used), 5.5 family bathrooms plus 2 more for the 4 staff bedrooms, 3 fireplaces, and 2 stair cases. Phew!

Although there are at least three other swanky units that share the fourth and fifth floors, including one owned by billionaire biznessman David Koch, Mister Huang's apartment features a private elevator landing that opens into a large foyer with a Scarlett O'Hara worthy curving stair case. The 725+ square foot corner living room is large enough to hold a hoe-down and sports a wood burning fireplace, intricate moldings and several large windows overlooking pristine Park Avenue. The other generously proportioned public rooms include a 25 foot long dining room, a 400+ square foot library–also with a fireplace–and a curious little room located off the dining room that is perfect for sipping tea and going over the social calendar with one's private secretary. The well scaled eat in kitchen at the back of the unit includes a laundry room, two walk in pantries and access to the the service entrance and staff quarters.

Upstairs the master suite encompasses a sitting room, six closets, two bathroom and a corner bedroom with a fireplace. Three additional bedrooms each have a private pooper, an excellent feature because let's be honest, who wants to pay upwards of thirty-five million clams only to have overnight guests be subjected to the durty bizness of someone else.

Although it would probably cause Your Mama to have a nervous break down to live is such lavish circumstances, we imagine that any Richie Rich buyer of this property will appreciate that the two floor staff quarters are connected by a private staircase which will spare them the indignity of having to share stairs with the cleaning gurls unless they are vacuuming the main staircase.

Your Mama is going to move beyond the day-core which we think relies much too heavily on printed wallpaper, contrasting curtains and carpets with dizzying patterns for our personal taste and enjoyment. It goes without saying perhaps then that Your Mama thinks this place, even with it's mind bending asking price, is in obvious need of a hard core and full scale re-decorative re-do. We think it's super-safe to assume the new owner will hire a very expensive team of architects and nice gay decorators to work over, update and upgrade every inch of this palatial property because as far as we can tell, this place lack central heat and air. We can only hope with held breath that the new owners, whomever they may be, will be kind enough to invite Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter for a tour after the curtains are hung and every last upsettingly expensive settee is in place .

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