Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Jackie Warner Works It Out In the Hills

BUYER: Jackie Warner
LOCATION: Laurel Canyon Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $947,000 (sale price)
SIZE: 1,611 square feet 2 bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Stylish Laurel Canyon home w/ excellent quality & design. 2bd+nursery/office+1.5ba remodeled kitchen w/ stainless appliances & custom cabinetry. Master w/ walk-in closet & bath w/ extra large soaking tub, Kohler fixtures, glass Mosaic shower & stone Travertine floor. Den/family rm w/ skylights opens to redwood deck. Flat yard perfect for outdoor entertaining. Garage converted to composer's studio w/ ISO recording booth & machine rm.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen my little chickadees, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have a rather punishing day ahead of us so we're going to keep this one short and sweet.

It is well established that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter have a serious, incurable and disturbing addiction to reality television. As a result of our television watching malady, one of the programs that keeps the TiVo warm and whirring is that wacky Work Out program on the Bravo that features exercise queen Jackie Warner, her glittering white teeth and a parade of traumatic and dramatic lezbeeun relationships that are, quite frankly, dee-lishusly embarrassing to watch.

During the first season of Work Out, Miss Warner shacked up with that ridiculous and violent Brazilian artist gurl in a fancy house with a Carrara marble covered kitchen and a swimming pool out back. In the second season, out went the Brazilian and the fancy house and the heavily highlighted and uber-toned trainer moved to a much more modest and far less glammy house in the Hollywood Hills. The forty year old ladee lover quickly moved her much younger gurlyfriend of a few weeks in with her. Gotta love the lesbians...always eager to make house even before they know each other's middle names.

Anyhoo, after several episodes of watching cars whiz by the Miss Warner's windows, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter became curious as to where Miss Warner's new digs are located. With the help of Lucy Spillerguts and Our Fairy Godmother in West Hollywood, we eventually learned that Miss Warner forked over $947,000 to purchase a 1,611 square foot house on curvy swervy and beastly bizzy Laurel Canyon Boulevard in September of 2006.

Yes children, we realize 2006 was a long time ago, particularly in the lexicon of celebrity real estate where the rich and famous can be fickle in regards to their living situations. However, we're short on time and it's way too early in the morning to listen to y'all complain so Your Mama asks that you keep any lip, sass and judgment to yo-self. Thank you.

For those children not familiar with the canyon roads in Los Angeles, let Your Mama tell you that Laurel Canyon Boulevard is a twisting and winding road where people drive their luxury automobiles like they got the devil at their backs. Miss Warner is obviously far more brave than we because Your Mama would be paralyzed with fear each and every time we had to back our big BMW out of the driveway and on to Laurel Canyon Boulevard where one's ass end could easily be wiped out by a fast moving SUV whisking a high profile person from the studios in Burbank back to their bungalow at the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood.

Listing information for the property at the time of the sale shows the house measures in at 1,611 square feet with 2 bedroom and 2 bathrooms including a nice sized master bedroom with a peaked ceiling and French doors to the garden. In addition to the smallish open plan living/dining/kitchen area, there is a tile floored family room/den that opens to the back deck, and a nursery/office room, which we imagine it just too small to call a proper bedroom. The flat back yard includes a courtyard deck and a small grassy area at the back where Miss Warner's pooches probably piddle and poop. At the time Miss Warner purchased the property, the detached garage had been converted into some sort of recording studio. Your Mama isn't sure whether Miss Warner has turned the garage back to its original purposing or if she's utilizing the space for an office or to temporarily house one of her many high maintenance ex-gurlfriends.

Now children, before you start tearing into the day-core, please understand that the sofas and chairs and other assorted furniture items you see in the photos do not, and we repeat, do not belong to Miss Warner but rather the previous owner, who is not a celebrity.

No comments:

Post a Comment