Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Chris O'Donnell: Super Hero and Family Man

SELLER: Chris O'Donnell
LOCATION: Ocampo Drive, Pacific Palisades, CA
PRICE: $5,395,000
SIZE: 5,191 square foot (as per assessor), 5 bedrooms, 6 bedrooms
DESCRIPTION: Huntington Palisades traditional in prime location, built in 2000. Center hall floor plan opens to great kitchen/family room facing grassy backyard with pool. Paneled library off living room, Five bedrooms, four baths and family room up. Maids with bath and separate entry on lower level.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Some might say that Chris O'Donnell has the handsome puss of a Hollywood heart throb and the blistering hot bah-dee of a homosex porn star, but make no mistake children, the squeaky clean actor is a family man who goes home each night to his wife Caroline and their five children in pretty Pacific Palisades. That's right, five! Which pretty much makes his school teacher wifey of ten years a virtual baby factory. Missus O'Donnell must love being preggers, and we're sure the O'Donnells are exemplary parents, but for the sake of an ever growing world population and always decreasing resources, please, Your Mama begs of you people, tie up them tubes of yours.

Anyhoo, in the early 1990s, after making movies like Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, and Cookie's Fortune, the blue-eyed Boy Wonder started taking recurring television roles on programs such as The Practice, Head Cases and recently, Mister O'Donnell was seen as Dr. Dandridge on the very popular Grey's Anatomy, a hospital drama that Your Mama refuses to watch because, well, we don't care for hospital dramas even if the cast is exceptionally good looking.

Property records show that Mister O'Donnell purchased his Pacific Palisades property in August of 2000 for $2,950,000, and listing information reveals that the house was built in 2000. That would indicate to Your Mama that Mister and Missus O'Donnell purchased the 5 bedroom and 6 bathroom mini-mansion to would accommodate their already growing brood.

Real estate size queens who need 10,000 square feet to live comfortably won't agree, but the O'Donnell's 5,191 square foot residence is large by all reasonable standards. However, it may not feel large if you're a clan of seven full time residents, not to mention the necessary nannies and diaper washers that have to be brought in to assist in raising up, bathing and feeding five Tinseltown tots. Lawhd, with this many children, the O'Donnells prolly need a full time minimum wage gurl who does nothing but pick up, catalog, and put away all the damn toys. Which may be why Your Mama received an electronic missive from the always on top of it Riley Realtor that the O'Donnells have decided to pack their cribs, car seats and disciplinary shillelaghs and quietly put their house on the market with a $5,395,000 asking price.

Listing information for the traditional style house with its vaguely center hall colonial façade indicates that in addition to the five family bedrooms, there are formal living and dining rooms, a paneled study/library, two family rooms (one up and one down), a kitchen equipped to turn out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at an alarming rate, and a separate maids room with bath and a separate entrance which Your Mama is certain the live in gurl appreciates when she wants to sneak her horny boyfriend into the house late in the night.

Out back there is a smallish swimming pool and a smallish grassy yard, which would be fine if the O'Donnells had just one or two children. But they don't. So we imagine they are out looking for a new nest that will allow their kids to really stretch their legs and exercise their lungs without causing the neighbors to have a nervous break down from all the shouting and screaming in which five children surely engage.

Currently, listing information does not include interior photographs. We assume that is because the industrial cleaners have not yet been to the property to wipe the floor clean of all the baby vomit and wash down the crayon covered walls. We suspect it will also take the toy gurl at least a few days to pack up and send all the toys to a super-sized storage unit.

We don't know how far the O'Donnell's housing budget will stretch, but, there is a gracious and very private Paul Williams style colonial over on Maroney Lane in the Pac Pal priced at $10,500,000 that just might be perfect for their large family: 7,122 square feet, eight bedrooms, six bathrooms, huge pool and grassy areas, a shaded koi pond, and some sort of an orchard all on 1.5 private acres where the children could scream their little heads off without even disturbing the dead. Seriously, check it out.

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