Thursday, March 6, 2008

Paris Latsis Has Some Serious Real Estate Cajones

SELLER: Paris Latsis
LOCATION: Beverly Crest Drive, Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $15,000,000
SIZE: 7,034 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Absolutely stunning architectural w/head-on city/ocean views, gated & private from street. Spacious entry w/walls of glass leads to floating glass & stainless steel staircase. Drop-dead gorgeous MBR suite w/fireplace, huge bath, walk-in closet and massive wall of glass for incredible 180 views. The sleekest and most dramatic LR, DR, kitchen & media room you'll find anywhere. 4 more fabulous BRs en suite, plus great pool w/head-on views. Available for purchase furnished.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: He may have only become a household name and shot to tabloid fame because he dated, proposed to and bought a big Bev Hills house for hotel heiress and paparazzi magnet Paris Hilton at the perplexing apex of her celebutante fame in 2004, but this week, 20-something Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis is making some real estate news of his own by listing his glass and steel cliff hanger high up in the Bev Hills for a brazen $15,000,000.

Property records show that in December of 2004 Boy Paris bought Gurl Paris an 11,206 square foot mansion in the guard gated Beverly Ridge Estates. The fickle lovebirds soon went splitsville and Boy Paris sold off the giant house in November 2005 for $12,250,000. Not a bad return considering the young man made no improvements to the property and owned the place less than one year.

In April of 2006 Boy Paris purchased this three-story house on snazzy Beverly Crest Drive for $9,200,000. Yes children, $9,200,000. Let's break out our bejeweled abacus and work those numbers for a minute. Apparently, young Mister Paris and his financial advisers think the value of his 7,034 square foot house with 5 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms has shot up a shocking 61% in value over the last two years even though the seemingly jobless heir has done nothing to improve the property but fill it with a truckload of uglee ass contemporary furniture. With all due respect to Boy Paris, his people, and both of his very classy and hugely successful real estate agents, but are y'all outta your ever luvvin' minds? Seriously? Sixty one percent? Please.

Listing information also reveals that Boy Paris is interested in leasing the property for $38,000/month long term and $50,000/month short term. If anyone were to ask Your Mama, and of course no one did, Boy Paris might have an easier time leasing the place if he removed every stick of dee-pressing and hodge-podge furniture as well as most of his Marilyn Monroe posters. Feel free to leave the hot-cha-cha Chihuly chandelier above the stair. Just a thought.

Even more surprisingly, listing information indicates that Boy Paris's pad is also available for purchase furnished. With that furniture? Oh dear jeezis, please say it ain't so. Who in their right mind is going to pay $15,000,000 for that house and then pay more money for a decorating crime scene? Come on!

Now children, please don't twist our words and completely misinterpret Your Mama. This property is not without a great deal of appeal if you desire a sleek and libidinous glass house that floats and shimmers above the city. The spine tingling views are undeniably spectacular, the Crest Street location is attractive, and with billionaire Paul Allen's colossal crib next door, you know the area is very secure. And let's be honest, there are scads of single and 30-something multi-millionaires in L.A. who drive $150,000 sports cars and touch their naughty parts while fantasizing about sitting around a silly sexy swimming pool with a bevy of big boobed Hollywood hussies.

Your Mama firmly believes that with a really good landscaper to clean up the front and the right nice gay decorator who knows enough to replace and unify the floor coverings and how to soften the severe and almost sterile architecture with organic shapes and materials, this house could could be a jaw dropper. The price, however, is irrational. Just our meaningless two cents, of course. None the less, if Boy Paris and his top notch real estate agents can find someone willing to cough up the big bucks for this house...well, bully for them. It certainly wouldn't be the first time, nor the last, that a house sold for more than we thought it would and the owner pocketed an impressive if exorbitant profit.

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