Tuesday, March 18, 2008

LeAnn Rimes' Nashville Nest

SELLER: LeAnn Rimes and Dean Sheremet
LOCATION: Hillsboro Pike, Nashville, TN
PRICE: $2,395,000 (list); $2,125,000 (sale)
SIZE: 7,034 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: We're going out on a limb with this one children, so if Your Mama has to put up a retraction, you'll remember we warned you that this discussion is currently based on rumor and gossip received from a well placed source.

Last week, the Naughty Nashvillian whispered in Your Mama's big ear that country crooning sensation LeAnn Rimes is about to put her Nashville, TN house on the market for around $2,300,000. Back in February of 2002, when she was a just bee-stung and Inuit-eyed canary of 19, little lovable LeAnn married herself off to a toothy and slim hipped dancer named Dean Sheremet. Now children, we know there is a lot of lurid speculation floating around the internets about Mister Sherement and his allegedly ambiguous carnal desires, but much to your potential chagrin, Your Mama will not be going there this morning. Well, okay, maybe we'll go there a little.

Property records show that in April of 2003, the newly wedded youngsters, barely old enough to vote and still too young to drink liquor legally, bought their stone faced luv nest for $1,700,000. All due respect to Mister Sheremet, but dancers just don't usually make very much money, so call it a hunch, but Your Mama imagines that it was mostly Miss Rimes' pile of money that was sunk into the down payment. Any of you people who have a problem with that can just put your old fashioned gender role notions back into your old fashioned pocketbooks. In this day and age where women work and earn their own boo-coo dinero, there ain't nuthin' wrong with a woman choosing to take care of her man the way that Miss Rimes does Mister Sheremet and all his hair gel.

While there isn't currently a listing for the property, good ol' Naughty Nashvillian sent us a cache of photos of the Rimes residence which sits on three flat acres out on bizzy Hillsboro Pike in an area south of Nashville that crawls with big name country-western stars. In fact, Australian cowboy Keith Urban and his frozen faced Australian actress wifey Nicole Kidman recently unloaded their barely lived in Nashville digs around the corner on gated Bancroft Place for $2,360,000.

Good heavens children, why would someone with Miss Rimes' big ol' bank account want to live on such a bizzy damn road? Your Mama confesses that we are not that familiar with the highways and bi-ways of Nashville, but this road has got to be bumper to bumper with speeding cars if it's called a "Pike," right?

We know that some of you uppity design snobs are going to scream and yowl that this place looks like the decorating version of dog vomit, and certainly this kind of upscale Pottery Barn style day-core is not Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter's cup of sweet tea. However, we think that these two, and their nice gay decorator, have done a fine job in that the house looks livable and doesn't feature much that jumps up our day-core hackles or works on our gag reflex. Well, except for that upsetting wallpaper in the kitchen and that big ass romantic portrait of the the loving couple hanging up in the family room. We know many of you young married types love these big glossy things, but unfortunately, Your Mama takes a more cynical view of these saccharine and over posed portraits of wedded bliss.

Anyhoo, property records show the Rimes residence measures in at a grand ol' 7,034 square feet with 5 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms, which means that baby faced Dean must spend a great deal of time on his hands and knees scrubbing all half dozen of them terlits every week while the talented Missus brings home the big bacon working the stages and stadiums around the U.S. of A. We tease, we josh.

In addition to all the bedrooms and bathrooms, the domicile includes a big brick circular drive with loads of parking for guests, a large eat in kitchen that connects to the family room with its impressively coffered ceiling, and a "fun room" upstairs that includes one of those stoopid pool tables. Then there is the "man room" a long, narrow room stuffed full of leather club furniture and a lofty beamed ceiling. These two country cuties room is called the "man room" because Miss LeAnn personally picked out a giant portrait of a nekkid Asian ladee that's hanging over the fireplace and has generously placed a Playboy magazine or two around so that when dancing Dean needs a vagina visual, he's he's something at hand to reference.

Not to get all HGTV on your asses, but first floor master bedroom's focal point is clearly that fireplace stuffed full of candles that we think is meant to add an element of romance. And let's not forget the big four poster marital bed that apparently does not get as much bouncing action as horndog Dean might like, at least that what he says, repeatedly, on an old MTV Cribs episode you can see on the YouTube.

Out back there's plenty of room for a pool, spa and tennis court, but alas, there property currently offers none of those things. Your Mama doesn't imagine the usually touring Miss LeAnn has much time for flopping around in a pool or flinging a racket on a tennis court anyway.

If indeed the Naughty Nashvillian is correct (and we think he is) and Miss LeAnn and Dean are selling up and moving on, Your Mama has to wonder, why? At 7,000+ square feet, this house is surely comfy and large enough to raise up a few kids when they get ready to have them. But then again, perhaps it would be safer to live in a house where the Rimes/Sheremet offspring can't so easily and disastrously sing and dance their way onto a Pike. Whatever the case and wherever these two may next land, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter wish them a happy home

No comments:

Post a Comment