Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Michael J. Fox Loves Him Some Quogue

BUYER: Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan
LOCATION: Quogue Street, Quogue, NY
PRICE: $6,300,000
SIZE: 7,000 square feet (approx.), 6 bedrooms, 7.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: About 100 years ago Your Mama was chatting with a very nice gentleman we'll call Freddy Flapjaw who swore up and down that Emmy winning actor Michael J. Fox was looking to buy a multi-million dollar house in Quogue, a sleepy and (some might say) staid village at the western end of the Hamptons that is wall to wall with old school estates carpeted with vast lawns and anchored by gigantic shingled summer "cottages."

Your Mama unable to confirm or deny the "rumor" about Mister Fox's purchase at the time, but Freddy Flapjaw said, "You'll see." Turns out ol' Flapjaw was indeed speaking the truth and according to the real estate gossip gurls at Newsday, the Parkinson's afflicted actor and his actress wifey Tracy Pollan recently plunked down $6,300,000 for a newly built shingled "cottage" on tony Quogue Street smack in the geographic center of the village.

Having spent many a-summer day frolicking in the riptide at Dolphin Beach on Dune Road, Your Mama knows thing or two about this particular neck of the Hamptons. The general consensus among summer people in that area is that if you want glitz and glamour, keep driving your shiny late model Mercedes further down Montauk Highway to East Hampton where the restaurants are filled to capacity with perfectly bronzed famous folks in designer duds paying big bucks to eat gore-may meals. If you prefer competitive cribbage played pool side, putting 5,000 piece puzzles together on the screened porch, and being surrounded by old and quiet money, then Quogue just might be a finer fit for you.

The new Fox/Pollan property reflects that special brand of Hamptons hodge podge architecture where a dignified and shingled Dutch Gambrel marries a quirky Victorian ladee who secretly has an affair with a giant farmhouse who paws her with his wide porches. Throw in all the mod-ren conveniences and the result is a sprawling 7,000 square foot house with gleaming cherry floors (they're cherry, right?), acres of simple but pleasing mill work, seven fireplaces, a wine cellar, a commodious master suite with two fireplaces, a sitting room/office and private water view terrace, and a gunite pool with a pool side guest cottage all sitting on 1.1 acres of meticulously maintained and supernaturally green grass.

With six en suite bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms, the Fox/Pollan summer house should provide plenty of room for the four Fox children. However with just four bedrooms on the second floor, the Fox twins will either have to bunk together or one of the older Fox children will need to claim the bedroom on the ground floor or the one above the garage that is accessed by a private stair off the kitchen...which is without a doubt the room Your Mama would have chosen as a teenager because it features a small private balcony perfect for a rebel teen to puff ciggies and other illegal substances. As an aside and for the record, Your Mama has long quit smoking cigarettes and so should you. No offense intended to any of you smokestacks, but it's a dirty, nasty, filthy, stinky and seriously bad habit that invites and even happily welcomes The Dreaded Cancer.

Freddie Flapjaw also whispered to Your Mama that the Fox/Pollan clan already has some residential roots in the area having forked over large sums of cash to rent a large house in Quogue the last few summers. Therefore, Your Mama imagines the sometimes wary and buttoned up Quoglians will be happy to welcome the Fox family with open arms this summer just as long as his celebrity doesn't attract any long lensed paps or freakos who think it's cute to sit out front of his house in their Hondas hoping for a glimpse of the bathing suited family.

Seriously children, don't do that...don't go to any of these celebs houses that Your Mama discusses. These people don't need you beating on their door acting like a damn fool thinking you're so clever for finding them. That just makes you an asshole. Don't think it does? Just ask anyone who's famous what they think of those "fans."

Anyhoo, if Your Mama is being honest, and we always are, Mister Fox is not really on our real estate radar so we're not sure where else Mister Fox and Miz Pollan own property. We do find some indication in property records that they own a Park Avenue apartment in New York City as well as a large house in pretty and pretty rural Sharon, Connecticut. It's also quite possible the Fox/Pollans own property in his native Canada and it's a pretty good guess they own a manse in one of the better zip codes in the Los Angeles area.

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