Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Would You Want to Be JLo's Next Door Neighbor?

Okay children, let's talk about new mommy of twins Jennifer Lopez and that disturbingly thin huzband of hers Marc Anthony. Just between us chickens, Your Mama admits that we are not a big fan of either Miz Lopez or Mister Lopez, even though we do confess to getting a strange and guilty pleasure from that one song of his that gets played on the radio a thousand times a day. We do, however and whole heartedly, credit the Bronx bred Booty Queen for pulling herself up by her In Living Color bootstraps and transforming herself into an international icon of style and celebrity even if we do think her greatest talent is that of self-promotion.

Anyhoo, we're not here to discuss the obvious merits of Miz Lopez's bodacious booty, to debate her talents as a singer or actor or to discuss her unquestionable ability to mint money, we're here to discuss the real estate, and it appears than her current next door neighbors on both coasts no longer want to be living up next door to La Lopez and the frightening phalanx of security goons that surround her and her homes.

Yesterday we learned from the celebrity real estate gossip gurls at Newsday that the 2.25 acre property next door neighbors to La Lopez and Mister Anthony's sprawling Long Island estate has been plopped on to the market with an asking price of $2,299,000.
Access to the 5 bedroom and 4.5 bathroom waspy white Colonial style house (above) is through the very same gates and down the very same blue stone drive that La Lopez and Mister Anthony recently and reportedly spent millions to fortify to better protect them now that they have babies...and Your Mama does not need to tell any of the children, that along with her trio of 24/7 security guards, La Lopez will protect those babies of hers with her claws all out and scratching. At least she will as soon as she cashes that six million dollar check she's reportedly getting from People for the exclusive rights to photos of the newborns.

Here's what Your Mama really wants to know though...Why didn't the owner offer to sell the property directly to La Lopez and Mister Anthony? Even though the Lopez/Anthony casa measures in at an impressive 10,084 square feet, surely the singing and dancing duo could use a few more thousand square feet to house the numerous nannies and body guards that are required to be on site and ready at a moments notice, right? And what could be better than to house all their "people" in another house just spitting distance away.

When in Calee-fornia, La Lopez and her family bunk up in a big Bel Air mansion on swanky St. Pierre Road which property records reveal the couple purchased in January of 2005 . Records indicate the heavily guarded Mediterranean style house measures 7,357 square feet with 4 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms and includes several out buildings.
Property records also indicate that since August of 1996 the house next door (shown above) to JLo's Bel Air spread has been owned by executive producer Jordan Kerner (Charlottes' Web, and the Inspector Gadget and George of the Jungle franchises). Presumably Mister Kerner has elected to sell his long time home because he's taken a gig as the dean of the North Carolina School of the Arts School of Film making and not because he was exasperated by JLo's security giving all his guests the shakedown. We kid. Your Mama doesn't have any idea if Miz JLo's security gives the neighbors the evil and and third degree, but it's fun to think they do.

Mister Kerner's 9 bedroom and 9 bathroom house is currently on the market with an asking price of $6,995,000. However, as well located as this house may be in Bel Air, you couldn't pay Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter $6,95,000 to live next to the Fort Knox that is the West Coast home of La Lopez and Mister Anthony. We' be constantly paranoid that her security goons were peering in our gates and over our hedges trying to make sure we weren't trying to catch a glimpse of La Lopez sunning her brobdingnagian buns pool side.

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