Friday, March 14, 2008

End of Week Mish Mash

Let's continue this morning with a little mish-mash to pick up some of the odds and ends that have been floating around in Your Mama's inbox and voicemail this week.

1. Jude Law Settles Down.
Oscar nominated British actor and noted cad about town Jude Law has reportedly purchased the London house he's been leasing since he moved out of the Belsize Park house he shared with ex-wifey acktress Sadie Frost and their trio of loud children back in 2003. The not always reliable British tabs reported this week that Mister Law forked over around £3,500,000 (that's $7,049,945 for those of us state side) for the four story Georgian style house in the affluent Maida Vale neighborhood.

The reports go on to say that a source whispers that Mister Law is planning on spending another £1,000,000 to renovate and customize the five bedroom house, which is a lot of damn money for a man who claimed to be skint after his dee-vorce from Miz Frost.

2. The Death of the Malee-boo Party House?
The self-proclaimed Queen of all Media Perez Hilton reported yesterday on his naughty little blog that this coming summer the city of Malibu will be cracking down on the (in)famous and neighbor rattling "party houses" that dot the sandy lanscape of Malee-boo. Leased by corporations who throw big parties almost every weekend, these "party houses" have become and popular among young and hard bodied celebrities, "celebrities," star fuckers, and of course, the platoons of paparazzi who descend on Malee-boo each summer hoping to nab a nip slip on film or snap a candid of a vomiting celebutard not wise enough to know the first and most important rule of marathon boozing events: Never mix, never worry.

Not only do these "party houses" irritate, irk and enrage many of the really rich neighbors who just want to sunbathe, barbecue, and quietly get stoned as the sun goes down, it's also not exactly legal to run a commercial enterprise out of a private least not without a permit.

The City of Malibu has not outlawed big parties in private homes altogether, but they have mandated that a permit will need be requested and required to host a commercial event. Oh, and no more than four corporate sponsored parties or events will be allowed on a single property during a calendar year. Oh dear. That's really going to put a damper on on things, isn't it?

Watch out Hermosa, Manhattan and Huntington beaches, because It's unlikely major corporate sponsors like Polaroid and LG will give up these summertime swagfests without a bitch fight. More likely, they'll head south to one of the other, less glitzy beach communities that have yet to ban the party house. However, Your Mama would bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that we'll soon see more Southern California beach communities enact strict ordinances against these pesky party houses putting an end to them altogether. At least n the tight confines of West Coast beach communities.

Good grief children, what will Paris, Lindsay, Lauren, Brody, Brandon, Hillary, Haylie, Heidi and the rest of the tabloid train wrecks do all summer long if not gyrate drunkenly in their thongs and board shorts on the back deck of the Polaroid Beach House? Your Mama almost feels sorry for them. Almost, but not quite.

3. The Bisno Bizness
About a month ago, Your Mama discussed the uglee foreclosure mess that has surrounded the Beverly Park mansion of the controversial Los Angeles based real estate developer Robert Bisno. According to records on file with the Beverly Hills assessor, Mister and Missus Bisno defaulted on a $4,000,000 mortgage that was secured against the value of their 11,984 square foot house that happens to sit next door to the mansion Hollywood honcho Mike Medavoy has on the market for $23,500,000.

It is puzzling and perplexing to Your Mama that a rich man known to purchase high priced art to display his motor court would find himself facing foreclosure proceedings on his private home. But alas, notices were indeed printed in the Beverly Hills Courier, and the house was scheduled to be auctioned off on the steps of the Beverly Hills court house on the 29th day of February, 2008.

It seems, however, that the auction for that particular and palatial property never happened. Your Mama, being the nosy bee-hawtcha we are, set our research dee-va B.S. Beaverman on the case to sort out what exactly happened...or didn't happen. After much struggle, several dead ends, a phone call to the Bisno residence directly, and many calls to many Bev Hills bureaucrats, the impressively tenacious Miz Beaverman finally figured out that Mister Bisno and his team of people managed to stave off the auction by filing something called a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order).

Unfortunately for the children, Your Mama just isn't smart enough to understand or succinctly explain what a TRO is, how they work, or why Mister Bisno got one. Suffice to say that whatever it is and however it was gotten, Miser Bisno now has until April 29 to make good on the loan and save his house. Theoretically that should provide plenty of time for a clever bizness man like Mister Bisno to beg, borrow or refinance what he needs to save his Bev Park behemoth.

4. The Low Down on Aretha Franklin's Foreclosure Snafu
Yesterday the internets and the Detroit news outlets were burning up with the surprising and salacious news that the Queen of Soul's Hamilton Road mansion in Detroit had somehow tipped over backward into foreclosure over a measly $445 in 2005 back taxes. Four hundred and forty five damn dollars? You could of pushed Your Mama over with a swizzle stick when we read that.

Through her publicity princess Robyn Ryland-Sanders, Miz Franklin asserts that the entire debacle was, "a mere oversight on my attorney's part to notify me" and that, "It will be taken care of immediately."

It seems her attorney also forgot to notify the Queen of Soul that she owes back taxes for the '06 and '07 tax years too. Records show that Miz Franklin, a wondrously rotund senior citizen who can still throttle through a song like a Mack truck, owes an additional $18,746 in back taxes and fees for the 2006 and 2007 tax years that will need to be paid unless she wants to go through this back tax trauma all over again next year.

While we have no sources on the ground in Detroit who could confirm or deny, Your Mama sincerely doubts Miz Franklin actually occupies the Hamilton Road house because property records reveal that the ladee owns at least three other high-priced properties in Bloomfield Hills, an affluent, snazzy and safe suburb of Detroit where the rich people fled in droves when the urban areas of Detroit began their slow, dismal and dee-pressing sink into ghetto-dom.

Now puppies, Your Mama is not here to speechify on the punishing and growing economic Grand Canyon that exists between the rich and poor in this county, but we can't help but to express that we find it shameful that in a ridiculously rich country like the U-nited States of America we have the kind of human desperation and heart breaking poverty that can be seen on the streets of Detroit where magnificent mansions have been become crumbling crack dens and too many people do not have money to feed their children. Just shameful.

Anyhoo, on that sour note, we're headed to the booze cabinet to mix up our first big pitcher of Friday night gin and tonics. We suggest you do the same.

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