Monday, March 24, 2008

Monday Mish Mash

Your Mama has loads of properties lined up to discuss but before we begin Your Mama needs to clear out some of our over flowing inbox and voicemail that is chock full of juicy celebrity real estate tidbits and updates.

After posting our little screed and link over to This Is London that presented a long (but apparently not complete) list of properties owned by Sir Paul McCartney, Your Mama received a flood of email and phone calls, not the least of which was a communication by the always high-larious Kenny Kissentell. Mister Kissentell, a man who roams the streets and byways of Celebrityville each and every day, whispered to Your Mama that the house on Heather Road in the Bev Hills that reportedly belongs to Sir Paul does indeed belong to Sir's just held in a trust with someone else's name on it.

Anyhoo, not only did Kenny K. wax rhapsodic about the long and curving driveway that curls ups to a "tree-d out country cottage with ranch style dressing," he went on to tattle that when Prius driving Sir Paul is in residence, a phalanx of security descends on the itty bitty and sleepy side street. As if that were not irksome enough, Kenny K. swears to Your Mama that the security goons question all the other ritzy residents of Heather Road as they attempt to slide their Mercedes' onto to the block. How annoying would that be when you've got ice cream melting in the truck?

The splashed across the front page of the New York Post story about insanely rich professional club swinger Tiger Woods dropping $65,000,000 or so on a high-fallutin' Hamptons hideaway just won't die.

Although the lucky listing agent from Sotheby's International Realty and Mister Woods' people deny deny deny that the golfer and his blond wifey Elin are the buyers of the gigantic Gin Lane oceanfront estate, the NY Post people are sticking to their story and they have recently received a little bit of back-up from Long Island Business News blogger David Winzelberg who reported that his East End sources think Tiger Woods is indeed the buyer.

Oh dear. This is really getting messy isn't it?

Mister Winzelberg goes on to report that the behind the hedges scuttlebutt is that retail fashion icon Ralph Lauren may have floated an offer for the property in his hunt for "something old on the ocean," and hedge hog billionaire Eddie Lampert is rumored to have offered $60,000,000 for the fatabulous 5.9 acre property but apparently lost out to the higher bidding buyer, whoever that may be.

Along with all the other real estate gossips, this whole Woods bizness is driving Your Mama and the Doctor Cooter to the drink, so let's hope that the truth comes out before we have to call Betty Ford and beg for a group rate.

So, what's up with Avril "The Spitter" Lavigne's house in Mulholland Estates? Anyone? Ever since the pop princess married that dude from Sum 41 and bought Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler's old digs in the gated Bel Air Crest community, she's had zero luck in unloading her old mansion in the gated Mulholland Estates community.

The asking price started all the way up near $7,000,000 and was last seen at $5,800,000 after at least two deals went kaput on the 6,894 square foot house. Then last week, (or was it the week before?) the listing went poof. Vah-moose. Ba-bye.

Is this just another attempt to re-jigger the listing to attract new buyers or did someone fi-na-lee sign on the dotted line to purchase the property? We hope the latter, because to be quite honest, Your Mama is tired of losing sleep over Miss La-Veen's real estate fiasco.

You just gotta love the Jackson family, who really stick together when times are tough and the press corps is bearing down and asking questions. As some of you may have seen or read, Jermaine Jackson has been out yakking to the paps at TMZ that Neverland Ranch will be sold "over my dead body" and that the much publicized foreclosure on the Santa Ynez Valley spread is a "myth."


Jermaine hunny, we got nuthin' against you. In fact, we don't even know who you are or what you do for your money. But we do know that you should listen to Your Mama for a bleedin' minute before you go out flapping yer yaw to the press and sounding like a damn fool again. The foreclosure and the scheduled March 19 auction date (now moved to May 14) can be confirmed with public records on file at the Santa Barbara County Courthouse. Read that again slow baby and make sure you understand the words. On. File. At. The. Santa. Barbara. County. Courthouse.

If you still prefer to suffer the illusion that the foreclosure and impending auction is a "myth," Your Mama recommends you get on the horn right away to the folks at Fortress and try to persuade them into your fantasy land because they are currently planning to auction off your brother's scene of the alleged crime on May 14 unless someone comes up with $24,500,000 (or so) to pay off the loan they hold on the 2,600 acre property.

Call it a hunch, call it an uneducated and a snarky guess, but somehow Your Mama does not imagine Mister Jermaine or any of the other Jackson siblings have or are willing to cough up the big bucks necessary to save their troubled and younger brother's once beloved now busted and broken down Neverland Ranch.

And none of this Neverland Ranch bizness begins to touch on the tawdry tax troubles that surround the family's long time compound in Encino. Word on the real estate gossip street is that Michael, who is the owner of record on the Hayvenhurst Avenue house, is having a devil of time hanging on to that place too.

It's all just so sad children. Sad, sad, sad.

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