Friday, March 7, 2008

Nicole and Joel Do The Simple Life In Manhattan

BUYERS: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden
LOCATION: The Bowery, New York, NY
PRICE: $999,999
SIZE: 1,053 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Located in the heart of Nolita, where the Bowery meets Spring. Two bedroo, two bath apartment with lovely, sunny West views. The kitchen features stainless steel appliances, granite counters and Shaker style maple cabinetry. The baths are finished with marble floors, walls and vanity. Full service building with 24 hour attended lobby, live in superintendent, laundry facility and individual storage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: New York City gossip juggernaut Page Six reported yesterday that still pin thin singer/actress/mommy/whatever Nicole Richie and her tattooed baby daddy Joel Madden have purchased a million dollar apartment on The Bowery in New York City, and as the children well know, a million clams does not stretch very far in the atrociously expensive Manhattan real estate market.

Unfortunately, Your Mama is too bizzy today to delve into and dissect the dee-lishus oxymoron of an Los Angeles celebicon like Nicole Richie shacking up on the still kinda seedy Bowery in New York City. While the Bowery does offer residents and visitors that special brand of New York chic where homeless hookers work the sidewalk with high heeled fashionistas, Miss Richie and her nanny will need to push the Bugaboo past all the disenfranchised and booze imbibing Vietnam vets who still live in the flophouses that line the Bowery in order to get to the new and huge Whole Foods Market around the corner on Houston Street. Fun.

There is not nearly enough time today for Your Mama to properly discuss the myriad of potential reasons why these two new parents, who should have big money in their designer pockets, would choose an itty bitty and perfectly ordinary two bedroom apartment on the 11th floor of a full service but entirely undistinguished building on a the bizzy Bowery. Couldn't they have asked Daddy Richie for a few more pennies so they could get something a little more celeb-ish?

It is unlikely the L.A based Richie/Maddens will occupy this apartment full time, but if the rumors are true, and all our hissing theater queen friends pray they are not, the somewhat vocally challenged celebutante is Broadway bound. The rumor is she's been offered the role of Roxie in Chicago. Which is a real problem in Your Mama's book when you consider tickets to Broadway productions cost well upwards of $100. Think about that for a minute. All due respect to her, but would you pay more than $100 to see Miss Richie, who is not a trained actor or singer, warble on Broadway?

Please note the photos and floor plan may not be exact representations of the unit purchased by the Richie/Maddens.

No comments:

Post a Comment